For people who are fed up with conventional dating and relationship “wisdom.”

Listening to the mind can be very detrimental to your confidence. Learning to escape the mind and re-connecting with your soul can help you develop real confidence that can not be shaken or broken for anything.

The greatest tool that you have at your disposal for cutting through the fog that the mind creates is meditation. Meditation allows you to enter into the calm, peaceful and non thinking state that alcohol creates without consuming a single drop.

Real Benefits of Meditation

I know the image that comes to mind when you think of someone who meditates; some hippie dressed in weird clothing that sounds like a stoner and comes off as an arrogant prick. You don’t need to shave your head and wear a dress like a Buddhist to enjoy the many benefits that come from meditation: [click to continue…]

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You will hear me say this over and over but it’s worth repeating, YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. Identifying with your mind and listening to your thoughts will cause a large amount of anxiety, depression and an overall lack of confidence.

Most people believe that they are their thoughts but this is far from the truth. Spend an hour, day, even a week just observing your thoughts. After a week you will notice two things:

1. The mind is mostly fear based and thus not very useful
2. The voice continues without your conscious effort-it runs on it’s own.

When you actually listen to your thoughts and identify with them many neurotic and unhealthy beliefs will start to form. Your mind tells you that you have been wronged by someone and anger ensues. Your thoughts wish harm upon that person and now you feel guilty for thinking that.

Guilt, anger, shame, doubt and INSECURITY are all products of the mind and prevent you from being more confident. How many times have you been around women only to have your mind blow it for you? I’m guessing plenty because it has happened to me more times than I care to remember. [click to continue…]

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For most of my life I have not been very confident. When I asked my parents how to be confident they only shrugged their shoulders and told me I was special-what help they were. I asked my friends for advice but that’s was as useful as asking a blind man if he liked the color of my shirt. Finding no answers from my friends and family I turned to the Internet for help.

Looking to the internet for sage wisdom on how to get something everyone else seemed to have was a fool’s errand. Desperate for confidence I bought into the advice that dressing better was the key, as if confidence was embedded into cotton fabric, denim and leather shoes.

Got the clothes and nothing seemed to change. Looked better but felt just as bad as I did before. On the plus side I received more compliments from women but none of them wanted to sleep with me. What’s a compliment worth if she won’t sleep with you?

The majority advice you receive on the internet is the same hackneyed garbage that has been floating around since your parents were growing up. Take in, rinse, recycle and repeat is their motto. Worse of all is that their advice gets implanted in your head after a thousand or so times of hearing it.

Through trial and error I have figured out how to gain the ever so elusive trait called confidence. Since you can’t spell attraction without confidence I will tell you how-no credit card required.

Confidence does not stem from one single place, it’s a complete system. People are impatient when it comes to getting things. They want it NOW, NOW, NOW! This leads them to look for a quick fix and easily digestible cure. You will hear marketers promoting “do this ONE thing and you will get results,” but it doesn’t work that way with almost everything worth having in life. There is not one singular path to take, one exercise to do or program to buy-it’s a complete system.

There are three aspects to confidence: [click to continue…]

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By http://ingredientx.com/

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The lights are dimmed, shades are down and your favorite scented candles are burning. The mood is just right to say hello to your monster but is masturbating to porn a good thing or not? To answer that question, yes and no. There is no such thing as good or bad but only consequences of your actions. Every consequence is either desirable or undesirable.

Whether the consequences of masturbating are desirable or not depends greatly on your perspective and who you are. It’s not the action in itself that makes something bad but the person who is doing it.

If the action (masturbating) in and of itself was inherently negative or positive everyone would have the same response to it. If getting off to porn was bad for you then EVERYONE would experience negative consequences when they did it but we know that is not always the case. Some have good consequences while others have horrible negative consequences.

Most people enjoy labeling something as “bad” without ever thinking that they may play a role in their negative experience. Even worse is that they like to tell others that it’s a “bad” idea-”oh no, you shouldn’t do that!”

Negative Consequences of Watching Porn [click to continue…]

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***Question From a Reader***

Hi Alex I would like to ask you something regarding this.

I was very inspired by your words, especially this article and the article on finding your mission. I thoroughly searched for my mission and it is: entertaining people, making them smile through humor. One of the things I want to leave behind after I die is laughter. I want them to feel entertained and laugh when they think about me.

I feel that I have often entertained people by not saying what came to my mind in that moment, and instead by making up stories or adding some extras, especially because:

1) humor can be subjective; one ironic remark or a joke may create totally different reactions in different people - so I add a little coloring, spice up and distort the truth; or tell totally different things according to the different audiences or people listening to me (from the very moment I introduce myself)

2) being completely honest is not always very entertaining. Also you said it in the article. It can actually make you loose friends (instead of making them laugh).

I almost think that, in order to entertain, I project a different “persona” with every different social group I am in. A bit like professional comedians do… but I try to entertain all the time, in my daily life, wherever I am

I have noticed that this doesn’t always allow me to grow deeper relationships with people, unless I interact with 1-2 people at a time (but usually I spend most of my time among larger groups).

What do you think about this?
How can I entertain, make people laugh (especially if they are from different backgrounds; especially because the same joke doesn’t work on everyone) and be completely honest/integral at the same time?

***My Answer***

Hey TS,

It’s great that you found your calling, your mission. Most people go their entire lives without having the slightest idea of what they want to do. They wonder aimlessly through life buying things they don’t need in order to make up for feeling unfulfilled.

Your are right, humor is very subjective and not everyone is going to like the same things. Some might like racist jokes, some don’t. Some like cute jokes with a twist or play on words but some won’t. Some people, like myself, enjoy very crude jokes.

The problem is that you are attempting to make everyone laugh by changing yourself. Trying to please everyone with your humor is impossible to do. It’s similar to trying to make food that is loved by all. It can’t be done and you will waste your time trying to make it. No matter what ingredient you include there will still be people who don’t like it. [click to continue…]

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The age old question of who should pay on a date or in a relationship, the man or the woman? Most people would agree that the man should pay but this becomes a problem when the man pays too much. He opens up his wallet hoping that at the end of the night the woman will open up her pants. Often he is shut down and better off buying a hooker instead.

Paying on Dates

It’s silly to think that the amount of money you throw down on a date will determine whether or not you are getting lucky tonight but is it really?

Most men are complete schmucks when it comes to women. This forces women to settle on many levels for men who just don’t get it. If almost all the men women meet don’t make them feel any sort of attraction why not go for the best looking or the ones with the most money? [click to continue…]

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You have listened to her complain about the jerk who treated her badly countless times only to watch her go out with him again and again. All of your selfless acts fall to the wayside only to hear about her mistreatment the following week.

You are left in pit of despair and confusing as the mantra “nice guy’s finish last” repeats in your head. “When will she wake up? When will she realize that there is a nice guy who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated sitting right here?”

She will never realize this because you aren’t in fact a nice guy. Appearances can be deceiving and the “nice guy” act is one of the biggest deceptions around. [click to continue…]

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