You’ve nailed my personality to a T, and your suggestions are very enlightening. I’ve changed my “nice” persona over the past few weeks, and this is good motivation to continue.

Bravo.

Make sure you understand the distinction between who you are and what you do. All of your ‘nice’ guy behavior is not who you are but simply what you do. So when you say “I don’t like who I am” you are treating yourself badly which will cause low self esteem and no girls. Learn to separate what you do and who you are or you will dig yourself deeper into a depressive state.

Nice Guys have difficulty making their needs a priority. – Yes, true in Mike’s case as he was so busy giving generously of his time, energy and personal resources to girls in trouble. He was always the guy taking care of others, not the guy whose needs were being met.

Nice Guys lack conviction in their opinions or beliefs – Kinda sorta. Mike would play this game where he’d purposely bait people into an argument, taking on the opposite point of view JUST to get the other person riled up and fighting. Then after like a half an hour of back and forth, he’d admit that he didn’t really believe that, and he was just kidding. So who knows what his actual beliefs really were.

Nice Guys lack loyalty. They develop a chameleon like type of behavior when interacting with others. If one member of a group doesn’t like another the nice guy will take on the belief of whoever they around. One day they will talk badly of one member and the next they will reverse their opinion. – YES! This was SO Mike. I even used that word when describing him – chameleon. He would change who he was depending on who he was hanging out with. It drove me nuts!!

Nice Guys are dishonest. They hide their mistakes and say what they think people want to hear. They will say pretty much anything to gain the approval of others. – Saying what people want to hear, yes, that was Mike. Ties in with being the chameleon who flip flops around based on who he’s hanging out with.

Nice Guys are secretive. They are so driven to seek approval that they will hide anything they believe might upset anyone. – Yes, Mike always had a bit of secretiveness about him, but he eventually became a secretive hermit on top of it.

Nice Guys are controlling in order to keep their world smooth. – From what I gather of Mike’s relationship with his wife now, he’s the one in control dictating where they live, how things go, etc. She’s subservient to him, and has no choice because it’s his way or the highway, even at first glance he’s “the nice guy.” Also Mike made everybody come to him and seek him out – it wasn’t the other way around.

Nice Guys give to get and expect some kind of reciprocation. – Mike gave of himself and his resources endlessly to girls who were in trouble, myself included, and yes, as I apparently realized later on, it was with the hope and expectation of reciprocation, in the form of getting laid or becoming his girlfriend.

Nice Guys are passive-aggressive. – Yes, Mike definitely had this trait too.

Nice Guys have difficulty setting boundaries, and instead feel like victims. – Yes, ties into how Mike gave generously of himself, his time and his resources to all girls in trouble. I don’t know if he felt like a victim per se, but boundaries for him were a problem for sure. So many examples I could cite…..

Nice Guys are attracted to people and situations that need fixing. – YES! Mike was always attracted to dysfunctional fixer-uppers who needed him to “take care of them.” The girls from bad families who were abused and drank too much and slept around too much and had kids they couldn’t afford with guys that ran off on them and who couldn’t get their acts together. One girlfriend was so bad he even appointed himself in charge of her finances to try to get her back on track. So if she needed her own money she had to go through him, and he managed all of her bill paying. (Although she loved it, since it was the first time any guy had looked out for her like that.) Lots of stories of Mike’s various fixer-uppers!

Nice Guys are terrible listeners because they are too busy trying to figure out how to defend themselves or fix the other person’s problem. – Mike seemed to be a good listener, but yeah he was a problem fixer too. The impression I get now in looking back was that he wasn’t really listening because he cared, so much as maybe because it could lead to “something else.” So his care and concern was more or less superficial.

Nice Guys form relationships with partners who are “projects” or “diamonds in the rough.” YES! See comments above about “fixer uppers.” Same deal.

And Nice Guys tend to swing back and forth between the nice side and the dark side. – YES! See previous comments about Mike’s 3/4 nice side and 1/4 dark side.