Have you ever been around someone that made you feel less valuable, less important and most of all not as cool as you thought you were? As you travel through life there are people that you will meet that will make you doubt yourself. You can’t quite understand what it is about them but they make you very unsure of yourself. Chances are high that those people are very good with women.
Throughout my life I have met several people like that. They had very charming personalities but there was always something off about them. Something that I could never put my finger on until now. There was always an undertone of superiority to them. It was not obvious like a rich person showing off his Jaguar or a bragging type of personality. It was very subtle until I started noticing the signs.
These people would make you feel as if you were beneath them in some way. It wasn’t the words that they used or their body language that told you this. No, it was the presence that was their tell. Spend enough time with them and you will begin to hear their message loud and clear.
The subtle ‘better than you’ personalities were almost always good with women. They were able to get away with things that most men couldn’t. Women would follow their every word and every command as if these men knew the secrets to the universe.
What was it that they were doing that would get women to do whatever they wanted? How did they get women so attracted to them?
The answer to that is manipulation. These women were being manipulated into being attracted to these “men.”
The best way to manipulate someone is by throwing them off balance by getting them to doubt themselves. Once a person is off balance you can easily gain control and push them in any direction that you want.
Our self esteems are fragile in the beginning years of our lives . We are doubtful, insecure and unsure of ourselves as we enter our teen years. Some grow out of this phase but many don’t. These insecurities and lack of solid self esteem continues throughout their lives. These people are easily manipulated by the ‘better than you’ personality types.
When yourself esteem isn’t strong enough it doesn’t take much for you to feel off balance and become unsure of yourself. A ‘better than you’ personality will make you doubt your value or status. You will start to ask yourself “what is wrong with me?” around these people. When that happens your self esteem is questioned and you need to re-validate yourself.
In that moment you will do almost anything to gain this person’s validation because your self esteem depends on it. Now they have you right where they want you. You strive and you strive to regain their approval but never quite get it. You have a carrot on a stick that no matter how fast you run you can never catch.
Unfortunately many women today have low self esteems. They are bombarded with the illusion of beauty on every channel on television. Constantly searching to feel good about themselves through expensive jewelry, dieting programs and validation from others. They become perfect targets for the ‘better than you’ type of personality.
It’s quite simply and easy how he gets women to fall for him. All he has to do is take away the one thing they crave the most…validation. Once that is out of the picture women are putty in his hands, he is free to do whatever he pleases. The women strive to get his attention and validation by any means necessary. He can sleep with them at this point or dangle the carrot just a little further out of reach to make them really work for it.
The cycle of validation continues because he will always make the woman feel like there is something wrong with her. Her self esteem hangs in the balance as she strives to prove her worthiness to him. This will go on until the girl wises up or the guy gets bored.
There are four things necessary when getting people to work for your validation:
1. Aloofness
2. Subtle better than you attitude
3. Reward/punishment
4. Charming personality
The first three feed into one another. A non-reactive personality (aloof) never gives anyone clues as to whether or not you approve of them. NO ONE can get a solid read on you or your intentions will be found out very quickly.
Being aloof causes those around you to jump to conclusions about your opinion of them. They search their brains for the answer but as we all know the mind almost never gives a positive response. Your poker face and their negative minds makes people believe that you don’t like them.
Addictions are formed through reward/punishment. People don’t get addicted to gambling by winning all the time. They get hooked by winning every so often. The hope of hitting it big keeps them running back to the slots time and time again.
In order to get women addicted you must reward them every so often. This is done by giving them a small sign of your approval. If you never give them any sign of validation they will get too frustrated and give up entirely. The key is recognize when this is happening and give them a reward. A compliment will do or any indication that you actually like them.
Quickly after you are done giving the reward you must revert back to being aloof otherwise they might not work as hard to get your validation. You must always dangle the carrot just out of reach and make them believe they almost have it but never fully giving it to them. Once they know they have your validation they won’t need you any more.
The last part of this manipulation equation is a charming personality. You need to lure people into your fun little game. Without the bells and whistles no one will be drawn in. You need to be likable, otherwise your subtle ‘better than you’ attitude will come off as arrogance. Arrogance is not liked unless it is mixed with charm. Then it becomes powerfully addicting.
I tell you all of this in an attempt to not get you to use manipulation to get women to like you. In making you aware of what a ‘better than you’ type of “man” uses I hope you will realize what is truly going on here.
If you use manipulation on women you are taking from them, plain and simple. They spend days, weeks and even years in an emotionally unbalanced state all for your desires. You can get women this way but you need to ask yourself “is the juice really worth the squeeze? “
Sign up on the right to get IGR posts in your inbox!
Stumble It!
{ 4 trackbacks }
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey man,
you showed here some of the characteristics of people that i currently run into,
at the beginning they were big for me, fancy,
they are very good with woman, and with people in general, i continously tried to figure them out, they have this aura of perfectionism, they almost never show what they really feel, and if you confront them and you think you know them by now, they will throw at you another illusion,
its weird, but with one guy in particular that is like you described, when we drunk and he loosen up a litte, i could feel his sadness, and it was almost depressing,
thanks man,
Gee, that sounds reaaaallly familiar
Keep up the good work man, telling it like it is…
A.
@Marek
When you confront them they always have a way out. They might accuse you of being sensitive or overly emotional and you might fall for it if you aren’t sure of yourself. Once you get solid in yourself any uncomfortable feelings you get from another person can be taken as a warning sign.
@Anthony
hmmm, that does sound familiar…I just can’t put my finger on it. : )
thanks for the feedback
Hmm.. interesting.
What would you say are they non-manipulative traits which will sustain a strong relationship?
To name a few….
-honest
-integrity
-courage
-setting proper rules and boundaries *
-not taking any disrespect
-going somewhere new…always growing together
-leading her through her past and present issues
-being a leader
-having fun and a sense of humor
-being solid in yourself (eliminating insecurities, doubts, fears, jealousy) and being strong *
-her trust in you (that comes from the above)
-great sex*
-having a mission or purpose in life and including her in it
-teaching her what you know
Research the traits of narcissist sociopaths and you will see that this kind of person has these disorders. People with these mental diseases are notorious for being born manipulators with no conscience and very destructive. You will see this kind of person rise to the top of marketing departments and huge numbers in politics. They are very damaging to society, yet almost no one is aware there are many spread among the population. Dr. Robert Hare and other have written about them. If in your life you know of people who seem to have no guilt and no conscience and are monstrously ruthless, you know a sociopath.
Thanks for the comment Walt. You are right, it’s amazing how many aren’t aware of these people and just slip underneath the radar.
So familiar, indeed. Well, I guess Steph is a sociopath then.
Hey Alex, your layout looks neat!
thanks a lot tuplad.
Thank you. Alot of guys I meet think they have to be this dude who gets women to eat crap out of his hands. That’s not love and you can’t feel loved if you are manipulating someone. These guys, I am sure they meet someone who will take it but are they ever happy? They justify their behavior by saying they will never let another woman hurt them again and say stuff like: “bros before hos”, and “women are always looking for the bigger better deal”.
You’re welcome Tisha. I agree that it’s not love. I’d go further to say it’s actually quite needy to manipulate women. You have to use ‘tricks’ or ‘tactics’ to get women because they feel like they themselves aren’t enough to genuinely attract women.
Some of the men are sociopaths like Walt mentioned but a lot of them either have mommy issues or got burned by a few women in the past. They feel powerless to women and need to resort to manipulation in order to powerful. But it’s always a false sense of power when your power comes from making others weak.
Unfortunately this is how a lot of guys get women. They give them little crumbs now and then and the women want to come back for more and more.
Then they put this persona on the PUA’s who genuinely just want o understand women more and improve themselves.
I think to that extent it is unfair.
It true though. All these things you said would totally totally work.
I haven’t seen many PUA’s who don’t use pretend aloof as their number one trick or teach it to their students. I call it pretend because a person who is trying to be aloof is not genuinely aloof-it’s the art of caring about not caring.
The reason they do this is to get more women. What I described above works very well because unfortunately not many women have high self esteem.
On the other hand the above will be rejected by any woman with good self esteem. So if someone is looking for quantity then the above is for them. But if someone is looking for quality it’s best to avoid it at all costs.
This articles describes one of my friends almost perfectly. whn someone doesnt do wht he wants he uses emotional blackmail on thm. n yea it works very well wid girls.
VERY interesting article, I have seen that scenario play out many times. However I do have several questions:
a) isn’t training people how to treat you a form of manipulation? the whole notion of training with punishment (guilt) and reward (praise) seems manipulative.
b) generally speaking and from my experience most women do not want an “average guy” they simply want the best! They want a guy who has a better self-esteem and is more confident in himself than them. in other words, they want someone whom they perceive to be better than themselves without the guy showing it or being arrogant about it, i.e. a catch!
c) “They give them little crumbs now and then and the women want to come back for more and more.”
but why do women go for complicated/emotionally unavailable men and they shun guys who are willing to commit?
why don’t people appreciate things that are free and value more the things that they feel they have to qualify for it or that they have to work hard to get it and earn it?
check out this interesting article
http://ezinearticles.com/?Bad-Girls:-Lets-Be-Honest-Ladies,-Arent-You-Only-Into-Him-Because-Hes-Not-Into-You?&id=87022
would appreciate your feedback
now on the other hand, I believe that praising a women too much (opposite of being aloof and disdaingnful) can push her to have an inflated ego and thus think that she is the shit and that she is better that you and that she can do better….I feel that a guy has to put a women back in her place with a doze of reality from time to time when she starts getting some delusions of grandeure…
it’s just that women manipulate men using sex but men manipulate women using attention…women want attention as much as sex while men want sex more.
what do you say?
m 2 cents
Let’s start with the first comment…
@a
on’t get too hung up on the word training-it’s just a word. Punishment/reward is a means to an end. The ultimate end is her not needing p/r at all and there is no disrespect what so ever.
It’s not manipulation because there is always CHOICE. I tell the women that I date exactly what I am doing, there are no surprises. After I tell them they have a choice: stay or leave. If they decide to leave there are no guilt trips at all, just a good bye and good luck.
@B. Agreed. Not a ‘better than you’ in a I have more value because all humans are equal but in a ‘I have better self esteem and a lot to teach you.’ In order to teach women you need to be able to go there yourself. All the things I teach to you won’t work unless you are willing to go there first.
The average guy is dead in the water. If he has no drive, little self esteem and little self respect very few women will be attracted to him. What some men do in the article isn’t self esteem or self respect, it’s insecurity masked as self esteem.
@C Most women have low self esteem and respect to begin with. The screwed up men who cheat on them give these women exactly what they want…more pain. If you hate yourself you will want to punish yourself by dating someone who will treat you badly.
The issue isn’t commit vs none commitment it’s the person who is choosing these things. If a guy commits but has his act together (mission, self esteem, self respect) there should be no problem. A relationship would come out of it because he wouldn’t waste his time chasing low self esteem women who love jerks.
@Last Question:
You are talking about being a PUA and playing hard to get? In those cases playing hard to get and aloof (or fake aloof) will make women love you because they have low self esteem. Any woman with self respect would drop a guy quickly who played those types of games.
When you don’t automatically give away your respect or trust to people it is a sign that you value you those things. Someone who gives those things away for free doesn’t get women attracted to him because of this. Taking your time to figure out whether or not this girl is worthy of your respect indicates that you have high self esteem, which is very attractive to women.
In essence you are doing the same things but you are coming from two different places. The PUA comes from a place of trying to get something from the girl (attraction) and what I teach comes from a place of self respect.
Women want sex as much (maybe even more) as men do but if they know they aren’t going to sleep with a guy they will enjoy the attention. I agree with you that men try to coerce women into being attracted to them by kissing their asses through compliments. It’s similar to that kid you grew up with that no one really liked but he bribed people with video games and toys. He wasn’t able to attract friends by himself and a lot of men can’t attract women as they are so they use compliments/dinners/gifts.
As for putting her in her place, there’s no real need to do so if the girl is smart enough to recognize that you are a real man. Those type of women aren’t addicted to the compliments from lesser “men.” They draw their self esteem from within and are repelled by little ass kissers.
you have to be clear to yourself from the outset what you want.
if you want a relationship get into the game to make the woman release oxytocin and then switch to being normal.
if you just want sex keep on going with the game.
its all what we want from it thats makes night and day
It’s interesting that the majority of people haven’t taken even five minutes to think about what they want. They are running on auto-pilot from the desires they inherited from their parents and society.
Know what you want and always question your motivation for wanting it.
Thanks for the comment Daniel
Great post.
I used to be like this but realised that this is one source of my own insecurities. My best friend is also like this, he gave me a call a couple of hours ago and after a long peaceful period I felt insecure again and I felt that maybe something is wrong with me.
I also realised that being successful in this way is an immature way of relating to others.
Thanks for the info Alex.