Comments on: Holding Onto the “Wrong” Girl: Biggest Dating/Relationship Mistakes Part Two

By: stacy

stacy — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 22:06:58 +0000

First off, Thank You. I was dating a man I work with for about 2 months and he told me about his ex who turned out to be married. She also aborted 2 of his children. They have been together on and off for 3 yrs.
He would tell me every time she would come by and beg him to take her back, he told me at first he wouldn’t do it. As time went on he became weaker. Finally he confessed after new years that he was with her for new years eve and day. I stopped talking to him and at work. He began to make aggressive moves at work to get me to talk to him again. I called him after having a few drinks to keep from loosing it.
He tells me that they are getting married at the clubhouse this year. His said his ex gave him what he wanted (divorce and to realize that she was going to loose him forever)
He claims he wants to remain friends with me and he did care allot for me and I would not believe how attracted he was to me.
I was falling for him and we made future plans together. Its so hard to deal with at work. I’m not sure what to do.

By: DatingSkillsReview

DatingSkillsReview — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 13:43:03 +0000

Great post man.

IMHO your #1 “It is very painful and frustrating to the ego to find out that the person you are with is not as good as you once thought.” is by FAR the biggest issue.

For many of us focused on self growth, the larger issue is that we are continually evolving and if you hooked up with a girl that doesn’t have that mindset of growth – unfortunately you are likely to find that you have moved up and she hasn’t. A great approach is to keep focused on selecting girls that are driven to grow themselves.

By: Alex Strandberg

Alex Strandberg — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 20:42:15 +0000

Thanks for the comment Irish. It’s a good thing that you found my website AFTER your marriage fell apart, otherwise you might try to salvage something that is beyond repair.

In failing relationships there is a big attachment to it working out. Every time she does something (or he does something) that can be considered “good” in the relationship you typically jump for joy on the inside. It’s nothing special but your attachment over emphasizes the value.

If you have any questions about healing wounds or getting back into the “game” so to speak, email me at questions@innergamereframe.com

By: Dealing With Her Male “friends” | Inner Game Reframe

Dealing With Her Male “friends” | Inner Game Reframe — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:11:32 +0000

[...] she absolutely refuses to get rid of him then your answer is clear…No she is not willing to do anything to protect the relationship. At that time you are the one who needs to make a choice and ask yourself “do I really want to be [...]

By: IrishSDman

IrishSDman — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 00:25:24 +0000

I think I did a lot of these things in my prior marriage of 8 years. It was a very tough realization to come to terms with a “sinking ship.” And it ended up taking me the last two years of the marriage to leave her. I think the two reasons that I struggled with were the “time investment-new girl” and “beating myself up for picking the wrong woman” (that you mention here).

I eventually pushed past all of the ones you mentioned, moved out and filed
for divorce. The fortunate part is that we were able to do it all amicably, without
any drama and salvaged a friendship. And we’re both happier people today than we were eight months ago.

I just think it’s really ironic (and funny) that I find your website after the storm has passed…trying to figure out what went wrong, what worked and didn’t work, etc. And that you’ve addressed about every mistake that I made before and during the marriage.

Geez, where were you ten years ago, LOL! But you’re right, there’s also a lot of crap out there on the Internet that can be misleading and misguided about dating and relationships. Thanks, Alex. And thanks for everyone’s insight and input here under the various articles.