***QUESTION FROM A READER***

Hey Alex,

I have run into some problems with an on again off again girlfriend of the past couple of years. I was cheated on by her and she lied about it. At first she claimed that she had been raped by this guy and later she confessed that she wasn’t. At the time I felt like it wasn’t really her fault and she deserved another chance but now I know that it was her fault.

I feel trapped by the situation because she is my first love and I feel like she could be the one but she has lied to me so many times before. We don’t go out now but we talk on a regular basis (she is literally obsessed with me). I feel stupid for falling for her lies over and over but I still have strong feelings for her. I have grown from the whole experience but am still very confused.

What should I do now? Should I break it off or find a way to get over it and go ahead with our new relationship?

***MY RESPONSE***

There are many people who say you can continue a relationship after being cheated on or doing the cheating. They claim that it’s possible to move on from that dark period and continue to love each other just the same as you first did when those three magical words entered the relationship.

The truth is that a relationship dies once you step outside of it, particularly in your case. It was your first love and first loves always come with a strong sense of innocence and vulnerability. The more open you are, the more it will hurt when someone betrays you like she did. Once your trust is broken it’s almost impossible to get that naive wide eyed feeling back.

It’s always a good idea to never fully trust someone until they prove that they are worthy of your trust. Blind faith will get you hurt over and over again unless you are extremely lucky.

During the time when she should have been building that trust she was sneaking around on you with another guy. Vulnerability of a first love combined with her not creating strong trust in the relationship will create a lot of trust issues.

The only way you could trust her now would be to constantly keep a close eye on her every single day or decide to ignore your intuition all together. You can only ignore your intuition about someone for so long so we will go with the other solution: constant surveillance.

Only after months (maybe years) of close observation could you trust that she won’t cheat on you again. Constantly checking her emails, phone calls, texts for any signs of infidelity.

The problem with this solution is that your paranoia and watching her every move will cause her to lose attraction for you. This could lead her to cheat on you again or even worse stay in a non-attraction based relationship.

Then there is the question of why she is talking to you now. It could be that she genuinely wants to be with you and loves you. But there is also a chance that she is doing it out of guilt over what she did in the past. By making you happy and giving you what you want she can finally shed the guilt that has been corroding her thoughts.

There are some people who make a mistake of cheating once, come clean and break it off the relationship. They wronged the other person because the relationship wasn’t working in the first place. It was a mistake but they had enough respect not to continue to hurt the other person.

Then there is the other group of people who cheat because they believe sex is their only value. In a new relationship they feel amazing when they hear ‘I love you’ and their self esteem rises. After a while of hearing the L word on a daily basis it starts to lose it’s value and so do they. Restlessness starts to kick in and they begin to try and gather value from another source and so cheating begins.

Another reason for wanting to be with you is that she misses someone who idealizes her. Having a person look at you like you like you are the most beautiful creator that ever existed feels good. She longs to see you look at her with those loving and adoring eyes.

You need to ask yourself “is she in it for me or the way I feel about her?” If it’s the way that you feel about her then just about anyone could take your place. Any schmuck could kiss up to her and make her out to be a goddess.

The point is that you don’t fully know why she wants to be with you. I know that you deeply wish that she wants you simply for you but what if you are wrong. If you miscalculate the situation the pain that you feel now will become much greater. Pulling yourself out it will become much harder to do.

People never enjoy feeling dumb for letting others take advantage of them. It hurts the ego to such a great degree that they avoid it at all costs. If it does happen they respond by either trying to run from it or trying to mend the situation. This could possible be part of your motivation for wanting to be with her.

If you call it quits with this girl right now you will have to admit that you made a mistake and continued to do so for several years. The longer you go in the wrong direction the harder it becomes to stop. Foolish pride will often force people to continue on the wayward path instead of admitting that they were wrong.

Part of the reason why you want to be with her could stem from your desire to avoid owning up to your mistakes. You hope that she is “the one” because if she is then you get to avoid the embarrassment of sticking it out for all those years only to end up with nothing.

You mentioned that she told you she was raped by him but it turned out that she was just covering her ass. There are little white lies and then there are lies that are extremely disturbing. The lie that she told could have created a very awful situation for you or him. What if you had gotten enraged and gone to fight the guy? Taken a baseball bat to his head? Assault with a deadly weapon would have ended up with you being raped behind bars.

She endangered the lives of two people because she couldn’t tell the truth. That’s extremely neurotic and she needs to seek the help of a therapist as soon as possible. If she didn’t seek psychological help to fix her deep seeded problems then she will still be the same person. When you are that messed up to cry rape you can’t get over it without years of therapy. Has she done that?

You mentioned that she could be the one but I have some harsh truth for you…there is no such thing as the one. There is not just one person out there that is your twin flame or soul mate or someone who will complete you. It’s a concept created to make relationships and married seem more romantic then they really. And to sell more Meg Ryan movies.

With three and a half billion women walking the planet today statistically speaking there  are thousands (if not millions) of women who will be almost exactly the same as this one girl. There will be tons of women who share the good qualities that this girl posses but without all the complications.

If it was me I would walk away from her completely. If you decide to stay you might end up losing those rose colored glasses you are wearing and see the situation for what it is and her for who she is. At that point you might be married with three kids and a mortgage, making it very difficult to break free of this woman.

This advice is coming from experience because I was in a very similar situation when I was younger. This girl I was dating claimed that she raped by one of her “friends” despite the fact that she continued to hang out with him. It was a lie but I was too blind to see the situation for what was really going on. Luckily I woke up before something bad happened like getting married or contracting an std.

If you choose to stay single the first thing you need to do is break ALL contact with this girl. No sobbing good byes or one last fuck. No talking. No texting. No emails. Nothing.

When she is in your life in some form your judgment becomes skewed by your loving feelings. Around her the truth gets buried deep beneath the tingle she sends up your leg. Remove her from the equation and take the time to look at your relationship and her from an OBJECTIVE point of view.

Not having any contact with her will be quite difficult at first because of your history together. You’re an addict and she is your fix. Remove her from your facebook, block her email and even go as far as block her phone number so as to have no temptation.

Become disciplined in your decision to never see her again. Over time the truth about her will start to rise to the surface. Loneliness and confusion will be against you but your resolve will lead you to do a day where everything becomes clear. In one monumental moment everything will hit you like a ton of bricks and you will no longer miss her.

She will go from a painfully cruel joke to just a joke. You will look back upon it and barely believe that it was you in that tragic tale.

A few drinks deep and trying your best to fight off a migraine from the bass of the house music. Everyone is dancing, drinking and enjoying themselves but you stick to the back with your buddies to have another round. A blond enters your view and quickly catches your attention. Her ill fitting top caresses her tight, silky and artificially tanned body. It fits in all the right places and shows off all of the right parts.

She fills you with the excitement that so many women before her have. “What I wouldn’t give to f**k her!” is the only thought that crosses your mind. A thought so profound that you can’t help but to repeat it to your friends. They laugh and join in with their particulars of what they would do to the girl and what they would do to be able have her. Good times. You no longer see her but the contour and specifics of her body are burned into your mind for the rest of the night.

Sound familiar? I bet it does. You think nothing of it but it’s moments like these that cause you to be nervous around beautiful women and kill your chances of ever being able to be with that girl except in your masturbatory fantasies. When women see guys who show these types of behaviors they automatically get label as a wanker.

What is a Wanker?

A wanker is your typical average guy who sprays his shorts over every decent to hot looking girl that walks by. He is not concerned about whether or not this girl is a snob, a bitch, stuck up, controlling, sweet or has an amazing personality. The ONLY thing he cares about is the way she looks. It doesn’t matter if this girl is on the run from the cops for chopping off her husbands pecker and throwing it out a moving car but just as long as she is attractive he’s “happy.”

Why is being a wanker detrimental to your success with women?

A large portion of your nervousness around beautiful women comes from the way that you think and treat these women. Whenever you get over excited about a good looking girl coming in the door you are training yourself to put women on a pedestal.

Every time you see an attractive female and think to yourself “oh God, she’s so hot” you are pushing yourself further and further away being able to actually be with her. This happens for several reasons:

1. Your Self Esteem is Low

She moves and your eyes follow her. Peeking a look at that gorgeous body, while trying your best not to get caught, but she knows you are looking and she knows what you are thinking. In those few brief moments you have already told her that you have a great desire to sleep with her.

You are willing to sleep with a girl without knowing anything about her beside the way she looks. What does that say about you? Or your self esteem? It sends a direct message to the girl that 1) your self esteem is so low that you would sleep with her regardless of whether or not she is the right girl for you and 2) you have no standards when it comes to women.

2. You are Affirming That She is Out of Your League

Most people love the attention they get from their admirers, who look up to them with those loving eyes. Who doesn’t enjoy a good compliment or kindness from a stranger? That type of attention feels good to the ego but kills the attraction every time.

Despite what movies teach you about a love struck romeo who only needs to tell a girl how he feels, showering someone with affection and attention doesn’t equal attraction. Showing her how much you like her doesn’t mean she will get a tingle up her leg.

It’s almost impossible to be attracted to someone who feels BLESSED or would GIVE ANYTHING to JUST BE WITH YOU.

She sees you glaring at her but she knows what lies beneath the surface. She knows that if she was to give you the lightest amount of attention you would almost inevitably think to yourself “how could I get this lucky? Wow, this must be a lucky shirt. I’m never taking this off again!” If you think that being with her would be the equivalent of winning the lottery then she is out of your league.

3. It Automatically Puts You in the Same Category as Every Other Guy

This wouldn’t be such a bad thing if almost every guy out there understood how to create attraction in women. Unfortunately, this is not the case and you emotional response to a beautiful women will lump you into a category with the rest of the unlucky guys.

Every man that has hit on her inappropriately, grabbed her without consent, stared at her chest with no regard or one of the other million different creepy things that men typically do, will be linked to you. Women are very intuitive, even if they can’t articulate it properly at times, and will pick up on your lust for her. She can tell and you will forever be branded into the creepy category. Once you are placed in that spot there is no coming back.

4. You are in a Position of Weakness Instead of Power

You have trained yourself over the years to have the same emotionally strong response to when a beautiful woman walks by. This response is not one of choice but of compulsion. You see her, she’s hot and you want to automatically sleep with her. There is no gap between the stimulus (hot girl) and your response (sexual excitement).

Power comes from the ability to choose. Whether it’s your friends, job, women, what you do with your time, it’s a matter how choice. The less of a choice you have in these things or how you respond to a situation the less power you will possess.

When she walks by, you are not choosing whether you will allow or not to allow yourself to feel attracted to this woman. You are not choosing the type of response to her physical attractiveness, it simply happens all on it’s own.

Stop Being Nervous Around Women and Move into a Place of Power

Having this type of sexual and emotional reaction to aesthetically appealing women is a force of habit just like any other. It has taken years upon years to train yourself to think and behave this way but it’s very possible to turn it all around. It will take time but the payoff is worth the wait.

Here are simply things you can start doing now to stop this automatic process:

1. Stop Talking to Your buddies about Hot Girls

There is a slight sense of camaraderie that goes along with making jokes and talking about how gorgeous some women are. It brings you together through a common interest. It helps you to make friends but at the end of the day having choice with women is far more valuable then a few jokes.

Whenever you do this you are reinforcing a negative behavior with something positive. Your negative behavior is getting over excited about some girl you saw and reinforcing it with a positive socially accepting response from your friends. It’s the high you get from a fix when you know you shouldn’t doing it in the first place.

Completely stop talking to your friends about these women. No more “dude, did you see that girl?” or “OMG, she is frickin hot. I would love to (fill in the blank) her.” Your mind might continue with these thoughts but they still don’t need to go anywhere but your mind.

2. Understand that beauty is NOT a BIG DEAL

So often in our culture do we praise and worship beautiful people. You see it in ads, magazines, billboards. Women and men are held in high regard for something they didn’t earn. Good looks is something that is given naturally with a few tweaks along the way. They didn’t work for it and earn it through sweat and persistence. No, it’s something that they were born with.

Whenever your mind starts up with it’s thoughts about how amazing that girl looked, remind yourself that looks are not that big of a deal. The men who are most successful with women don’t really care too much what she looks like. The girl has to be good looking for them to be biologically turned on but they don’t make a big fuss over how the girl looks. They appreciate a good looking woman but it doesn’t make their day or they don’t sport wood over it-”she’s cute” in a nonchalant tone.

If you are still having a tough time understanding that looks aren’t that big of a deal you need to spend more time with beautiful women. People who live in small towns get very excited about hot women because so few are around but if you lived in California or New York good looking women are a dime a dozen.

Go out to a club with intention of getting rid of your wanker response. Go in and take a look around at all the beautiful women and tell yourself “it’s not that big of a deal.”

3. Stop Watching Porn

Well, at least for now. When you get off to images or videos of beautiful women you are creating wonderful fantasies about these women. You are instilling the belief that YOU CAN’T GET THESE WOMEN. The only time you are able to have these women in through your mind, computer screen and a cheap bottle of hand lotion.

You might not think of much of your “happy” time but you mind thinks a lot of it. It reinforces the belief that You are NOT GOOD ENOUGH to be able to attract beautiful women.

Most masturbating isn’t an act of self exploration done in an attempt to further your sexuality but more in a hurried act of nervousness with one hand on your piece and one eye on the door. You are nervous about getting caught and this uneasiness gets associated with beautiful women. Your mind generalizes things and it will take the nervousness you felt to one beautiful porn star you got off to and link it to all beautiful women.

When the “I’m not good enough” feelings get accompanied by your nervousness from your porn habits you end up with very bad social interactions. A good bit of your confidence in talking with women comes from having positive experiences. If your nervous the first time talking to women from your shades down lotion out activities the interaction will leave you with a negative impression of talking to women. If you continue to watch porn and still try to talk to women your nervousness around approaching them will only get worse.

Throw out your Jergens and close your account with your choice porn site-it’s for the best. If you can’t seem to find something to fill the time left by your porn habits read this article:

http://innergamereframe.com/is-porn-good-for-you/

4. Develop Standards When it Comes to Women

Earlier in this article I mentioned coming from a place of power instead of weakness and standards is the best way to do this. Standards allow you to override that gut level reaction to the sexual Goddess. You still feel it but asking yourself “is she the type of girl I want?” will allow that response to be greatly reduced.

Normally, men question their own value and wonder if they are good enough for the girl. This leads to all sorts of approval seeking which can kill the attraction and make you very nervous. Instead of underestimating your own value, ask yourself if she is good enough for you? Does she meet your standards?

When you ask yourself if this girl is good enough for you it changes the whole dynamic. The anxiety is minimized and often times becomes none existent. You are also placed in a position of choice instead of merely reacting to what is happening to you.

Get into a habit of having standards for every attractive woman you see. When you see her, automatically ask yourself “is she a nice person? Does she look like a giver or a taker? Will she be right for me?” Even if you never speak to these women still ask yourself these questions.

You can even take is a step further by qualifying everyone that you talk to. Not in an arrogant “I’m better than everyone” type of way but in a “will this person be good for me? Will they hurt me or help me?”

Most men fear developing standards because they are in such desperation for to take anything they can get. The irony is that if you are willing to take anything you can get often you will end up with nothing or scrapping at the bottom of the barrel. Women can smell confidence and self esteem on you and taking anything that will give you the time or day lacks these things. Why would that girl want to be part of that “anything you can get” category?

Keeping Standards to Draw in More Abundance and Eliminate Neediness

A large factor that goes into success is determined by the company you keep. If you surround yourself by negative, pessimistic, narcissistic people they will bring you down with them. Even if you believe yourself to be very positive and motivated you will soon be rolling around in the dirt.

Enthusiasm, motivation and drive is contagious and so is apathy. If you have none of the positive qualities I speak of and have no desire for them developing standards will not be needed. If on the other hand you strive for a life of meaning and one worth having then standards is a must. Every person you ALLOW into YOUR life can has the potential to help fulfill that dream or bring it to a halt.

Every woman, no, every person you meet should live up to your standards. If they don’t you need keep looking until you find the right woman and the right set of people to surround yourself with.

Creating and maintaining standards will actually draw more people into your life. If follow through and uphold your standards by saying “no” to certain people a great deal of your neediness will melt away.

Neediness at the core is being scared of being alone and miserable. Once you burst through this fear by letting go of certain people in your life you will realize that you can say good bye and still survive. You will learn that you can be selective and still be happy.

With a large portion of your neediness out of the way you will become more attractive to other people because nothing is less attractive to women (basically everyone) than neediness. The strength that has replaced the spot where your neediness once existed will draw abundance of people into your life.

Building attraction in women is all about the right things while avoiding the wrong. Depending on what you do on a date she can either fall in love with you in moments or pick up a phone call from a friend bailing her out.

Here is a list of the right things to do:

1. Stop saying “just kidding” after telling a joke that is a little insulting

You were doing great by insulting her and keeping it funny but you blew it the second “just kidding” came out of your mouth. Unless you were out for blood when you told the joke there is no need to let her know you weren’t being serious.

When you follow your joke up with “just kidding” the only thing she hears is “I’m sorry, please, please, please don’t disapprove of me, you still like me right?”.  You think nothing of it but she hears all of that when you speak those two detrimental little words-just kidding. It’s obvious that you were just joking and there is no need to say it unless you fear her getting upset.

With two words you have told her and everyone else that you fear not being liked. Women don’t want men who are affected by the opinions of others. They want men who apologize to no one and put little value on what other people think.

Ultimately you want to get to a place where you don’t care what other people think of you but that takes time. For now, just start by eliminating the phrase ‘just kidding’ and become comfortable with the idea that women might get upset by what you say.

It’s the fear of disapproval that causes women to lose attraction for men. I get away with jokes and insults that most people would get scolded for because of how congruent I am. I stick to my guns and could care less if the girl gets upset or walks away. It’s my complete disregard for their approval that allows me to get away with anything while creating more and more attraction.

2. Stop Asking if she is ok

Asking if someone is ok when they are visibly upset or crying is fine but asking a girl if she is ok during a date is not. When you are out on a date with a girl and you ask her if she is ok,  she feels your neediness. You are basically asking her if she is still attracted to you and making sure the date is going well. You say “are you ok?” but she hears “am I doing ok with you?”

The very act of asking will cause the dynamic of the date to change. That question will actually cause her to become upset and lose attraction for her. You are worried that not everything is going as planned and your question becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

If she is not ok then she will make it very obvious. If the date isn’t going well don’t panic because it’s not that big of a deal. You check up on her because you are greatly attached to how the date will end. You worry about losing her and your plan is to correct any ‘wrong’ behaviors you are doing in order to keep her in the game.

If you are out there talking to several women a week then you won’t have to care whether or not this one goes well because another date is right around the corner.

3. Leaning back when you talk to people

Nothing spells neediness and fear like leaning in when talking to other people. Leaning in when you talk is similar to a little kid pulling on their parents shirt for attention. Seeking attention equals lack of attraction.

Become a rock when you socialize. Hold your ground and never let your upper body lean in when she talks. If there is something that you can’t quite hear, ask her to repeat herself and let her get closer to you.

This doesn’t  mean for you to become snobbish and disinterested in the person you are talking to. Aloof might seem like a good idea but it is the wrong way to go about getting women attracted to you. You will start to attract the wrong type of women if you take this route.

4. Breathing during a conversation

Interacting with women can become nerve wrecking at times. Your mind is racing, heart pulsing and your stomach feels like how it would after a bachelor party. Breathing can help you curb some of this nervousness you feel.

At first it will be very difficult to take long deep breathes when you are extremely nervous. In time you will start to anticipate that anxiety rising and you will breathe deeply to relax yourself.

Think of a time when you felt extremely comfortable and relaxed when interacting with other people. Odds are good that you were funny, smart and did all of the right things without even trying. Everything just seemed natural, didn’t it? Learn to develop that calm state through breathing deeply around women and in social situations.

5. Not saying much at all when you are talking to people

I’m sure a lot of you talk far more than you should when interacting with women. Half of what you say isn’t really important or interesting but you say it anyways. It serves to fill the conversation because you fear that oh so dreaded awkward silence. Learn to become comfortable with awkward silence.

Stop saying “yeah” when you can’t think of anything better to say.

Stop simply waiting your turn to speak and actually listen to the person talk.

Take a week or even a month and talk as half of much as you normally do. You will learn about a million different lessons but the most important lessons to take away are:

1.    You can CHOOSE when to talk and when not to talk. Choice is powerful and power is extremely attractive to women

2.    You can stop talking as much and everything will be OK. People who talk too much do so because they fear not being liked. They believe that the more they talk to more people will pay attention to them and bettering their chances of being liked.

6. Learning to hold eye contact with people

A large indicator to women that you have low self esteem and low confidence is your ability or inability to hold eye contact-it’s all in the eyes. Shy people have a very difficult time looking other people in the eyes and surprise, surprise they also do very horrible with women.

When you talk to people look them in the eyes. At first you will go overboard with this and come off as creepy but that’s ok because there is no such thing as failure. Over time you will learn to gain balance between no eye contact and too much eye contact.

Walk down the street and try to catch the eyes of any women you see. Hold that eye contact till THEY look away. If you are having difficulty  with this exercise I suggest wearing sunglasses so you can see them but they can’t see your eyes.

7.  Taking your time when you speak

There are people who naturally talk fast but a lot of this behavior is learned and thus can be unlearned. It’s a force of habit that needs to be replaced by talking very….very…slowly.

When you think of a slow talker think of James Bond. The way he introduced himself to women was extremely attractive. He had women soaking their panties within seconds and all he did was tell them his name. This would never happen if he had introduced himself like a crack head in a hurry trying to get a fix.

Take a moment to pause and breathe before saying anything. There is no need to rush when what you have to say is important.

8. Not letting people interrupt you when you talk

Dominance is attractive. Leading is attractive. Letting other people run the conversation is not. If it’s a fun conversation and people interrupt you, that can be forgiven but not when you have something worth while.

If you are trying to tell a story or make a point don’t let ANYONE, including her, interrupt you. Talking over them by raising your voice will quell any of those annoying interrupters. If they continue to do this you can stop and tell them “shhh”-it will get the point across.

9. Taking your hands out of your pockets and eliminating your social anxiety release

There are many ways to deal with uncomfortable situations and one of the biggest is sticking your hands in your pockets. Don’t do that. Instead of trying to release your social anxiety by closing off your body learn to relax and open up. Here are a couple of things that people do when they are nervous that they shouldn’t:

*Hands in pockets
*Looking away
*Fixing their shirt
*Fidgeting
*Playing with their cell phones

Women will feel that your nervousness and become uncomfortable . Ultimately the goal is not to be uncomfortable or nervous at all but for now you can work on dealing with your anxiety.

Most people use the above to run away from their anxiety like they have been trained to do. Embrace the awkward moments because there will be many. Learn to face your anxiety head on instead of trying to avoid it.

10. Stop Fake Laughter

How many times a day do you laugh at things that aren’t really truly funny? I’m guessing a lot because I used to do the same thing. Faking laughter happens for a couple of reasons:

1.    We are nervous
2.    We want the approval of others
3.    Giving approval to others

You are worried that the other person might feel bad about making a bad joke so you laugh out of courtesy. You fear that if you don’t laugh they won’t like you as much as they did before. Women can tell whether or not you are being genuine and laughing at bad jokes is not. They feel it and some of the attraction will be lost along the way.

If you a big time offender of this act then I would suggest not laughing at any jokes for a short while to balance things out. Maybe give them a smile so they won’t think you are a souless sociopath who can’t comprehend basic humor.

Watch this video from www.collegehumor.com to get an idea of what I’m talking about. When the girl meets the other guys and one of them asks her “so, where do you work?”and she responds “I work at a PR firm, it’s a living” the men crack up laughing. It wasn’t a funny joke but they laughed to gain her approval.

Guilty of Doing ANY of the ABOVE? Leave a comment and tell me about it

I normally don’t post other peoples stuff on my website (unless its a funny video or cartoon), mostly because I think the advice being dished out is complete crap, but I had to post this one.

If you are completely unaware of what the seduction community is then this article isn’t one you should read. If you know who mystery and style are, have over 30 different email subscriptions and own over a 1,000 dollars of their products, then this article is for you.

This article comes to you from Cameron Teone over at www.attractwomenanywhere.com. He is one of the few people (besides myself) that I would recomend taking dating advice from.

*** If you read this story and feel any anger or defensiveness then there is some truth to it. If it was completely untrue then there would be no emotional response to it WHAT SO EVER.***

The Story of Dick In the Community

Richie was a good man, meant well, and had a group of friends he hung out with.  Clean cut kid, 22 years old and fresh out of college, he found himself still struggling to get girls.  Sure, he had his cast of friends, but he was never the popular kid in high school.  College was an improvement but it still didn’t get Richie consistent results.  He was a very likable kid his friends would say.   Unable to attract girls he desired and feeling the frustration of one too many Saturday nights alone, he sought to find a solution to his dilemma.   He took refuge on the Internet.  Spending time alone, he finally succumbed to it.  He did a Google search one lonely Friday night.

There he was, doing an Internet search on “How to attract girls” and he stumbled upon the…..(drum roll please)…..”Seduction Community.”  He found a site named “Fast Seduction” filled with advice from various gurus.  There was a plethora of advice from gurus all around the globe who all had online handles and clever pseudonyms.

That’s how Richard came to the seduction community. He voraciously read every piece of advice and went out to try it.  Whatever he had done up to that point hadn’t really worked, so how much worse off could he be?  He couldn’t get worse.  So he read, and went out talked to girls.  He started posting on the forums and kept a log of his track record. He started having some success.  He finally had something to say to girls and could strike up conversations with them.  Hey, this stuff was giving him some results!  Finally!!

The guys providing the advice referred to themselves as “Pick Up Artists” abbreviated to   “PUA” for short.  The people in this community loved acronyms and there was no shortage of them to find.  Religiously, Richie read and practiced the advice of the PUAs, as these were the greatest self- touted ladies men across the globe.  Richie wanted to meet them.  Who wouldn’t?

That opportunity arose when a famous pick up artist came to town to speak for free at a small lair meeting.  This was Richie’s chance to meet a guru in the flesh.  This was the time. This was the beginning of meeting famous PUAs.   This speaker was not just a PUA.  He was an “MPUA” [Master PUA].  Apparently, that’s a higher echelon of pick up artistry.   He went by the online name, T.D. (Short for Touch Down.)

• Interior- Day time- Gathering inside a dimly-lit room.

We see 20 poorly dressed guys sitting around anxiously listening to Master “Pick Up Artist, Touch Down” Speak.

Touch Down [TD]:
My name is TD.
Do any of you know why that is?
That stands for Touch Down!
That’s because I score with 99 out of a 100 girls I talk to.
Can any of you do that?
No, because you’re all lame assess.

Richie is excited.  Wow!  Imagine that!  99 out of a 100!  The mythical Greek Gods couldn’t and wouldn’t claim such numbers.    Suddenly, he is snapped out of his Daze.  TD is speaking to him!

TD
Take a look at that outfit.  Would a hot woman ever be caught
with a guy dressed like you?  No…  You need to wear something edgy.
Like a fishnet mesh shirt.
What is your name?

Richie realizes he has been chosen.

Richie
My name is Richie, Sir.

TD
See, there you go.  You answered my question too fast.
You’re once again showing you’re a lame ass.

Richie
Sorry, sir.

TD
You lame ass.  Don’t apologize.
You aspire to be an MPUA? You should never apologize.
Alpha men do not apologize.

Richie is confused.

TD
Your name is lame.  How do you expect to get a 10 with that name?
Your new name is PUA Dick!  Dick is short for Rich,
but also has a sexual connotation to it.
Do you think a hot girl would date Richie??

Richie takes a moment to think.  He is not sure where this line of questioning is headed.

TD
Answer my questions immediately.
Don’t pause too long, it shows weakness.

Rich is now really confused.

TD
Richie is a weak name.  From now you’ll be called Dick.

Riche
But I like Richie.  All my friends call me by it.

TD
Shut up.  Do you want to get laid?
Many powerful and Machiavellian men have been named Dick.
Tricky Dick Nixon, Dick Cheney, Dick Hussein.

Richie,
Awww, I am pretty sure it was Saddam.

TD
Shut the fuck up.  Never correct an MPUA. Did I not tell
You know why I am called Touch Down?
Because I can score with any woman I want anywhere.  I can walk outside
and get and any  model as a girlfriend.  You’re a lame ass.
You’re an expert?  You read history books?
While you’re busy reading your history and biographical books,
I am busy getting laid by supermodels.    Don’t ever correct me again.
Plus Saddam means “Dick” in Iraqi language.

Richie
OK.  Thanks for the help.

TD
There you go again.  You’re such a lame ass.
You show weakness and lower value by saying thanks.
If you want to be an MPUA, you need to drop that.
You’re now PUA Dick Striker.

So Richie became a Dick.

Immediately fascinated, Richie stars immersing himself even more in the seduction community.  After all, thus far, he has learned a few good things that have helped him.  He now starts studying every piece of information he can get his hands on every different camp.  He studies a method popularized by someone named “Intrigue.”  He learns a style of “Insulting Asshole” by a character named Michelangelo.   He studies post by a snobby PUA called  “Fashion.”   It all starts as innocent fun trying to meet a few girls.

Unknowingly, something weird happens.  Something, deep, dark and ugly that completely sneaks its way in under the radar.  Along the way, he adapts the mindset, belief systems, and mental processes of the people whom he admires. He worships these people.   He believes them to have the keys to happiness in life.  He feels a strange loyalty because now Richie actually has met girls, gone on dates, and even has had sex with some women.

Richie is infatuated with the Pick Up Artists.  He takes on their personas.  He adapts their beliefs.  He looks at the world through their eyes.  Little does Richie know that he is adopting the mindset, beliefs, and behavioral patters of people whom he admires, are those of sometimes-deranged people.  They range from manic-depressive, to suicidal, to superficial, to unhappy manipulative sociopaths who plot and plan their every move.

Richie no longer has any of the friends he had before he entered the community.  His friends all call themselves “PUAs” and they have their language.  Richie has stopped all his hobbies.  His new hobby is posting field-reports, getting back to his friends to compare notes about what girls they met.

Pretty soon, Richie is unhappy.  Richie is depressed.  Richie develops paranoia, always anxious about what people are trying to get from him.  He looks at everything as a mechanical process, as though he were a programmed robot.   Someone sneezes, and Richie says, “Bless you,” and immediately is proud of himself because instantaneously thinks to himself, “Hey, I am giving Value” but then he worries he was being Beta. Paranoia sneaks in his head.  “Would an Alpha male say Bless you?”  Perhaps it’s showing Lower Value.  Fuck!  It’s all so confusing.  His thoughts are turning on him.

Someone is over at his house and the poor bastard has to take a piss so he asks Richie to use the toilet.  Richie thinks, “Whoa, this dude is now taking value from me.”  It does not occur to Richie that normal well-adjusted human beings do not think this way.  Full-blown sociopaths do.  Rich has taken on sociopath thinking.

Richie is really unhappy.  See, Richie is NOT really a sociopath.  He is a normal dude with emotions who just needed to become better with girls. He is actually a good dude, and is a likeable person.  He just needed to tweak a few things, but he got caught in a trap.

He got caught in the trap of thinking that he needed to adopt the personalities of the people who helped him.  So he did, and now he is just as miserable as they are.  Wait, he is more miserable.  A true sociopath can coexist with himself on some level, in the same way a con artist can somehow sleep easy at night after having robbed an elderly retired couple of their life savings. Richie, AKA PUA Dick Striker,  has sunken in really deep.  Every time he sees a woman, he feels like he should do an approach.  When he does not approach a woman, he feels weird and incomplete.

• Exterior of tall building- Weekday Morning – Day Light

**Today a woman was about to jump off a building to kill herself.

Richie, now known as PUA Dick Striker, sees the attractive woman on top of the building looking to plunge down.  Dick is anxious!!!   He feels like he should have tied a bungee cord around his waist, jumped with her, and asked her during the plight, “I need a quick suicidal sinking female’s opinion.  Who lies more, men or women?  Quickly, you only have 5 seconds of free fall left.”

Unfortunately, Richie did not have a bungee cord as part of his PUA-Kit. He had to make room for an extra pair of New-Rock boots.  He never had a chance to open a conversation with her.

He is feeling anxiety. Not opening the set has given him a horrible compulsion.  He thinks to himself…Click Here to Continue Reading

Listening to the mind can be very detrimental to your confidence. Learning to escape the mind and re-connecting with your soul can help you develop real confidence that can not be shaken or broken for anything.

The greatest tool that you have at your disposal for cutting through the fog that the mind creates is meditation. Meditation allows you to enter into the calm, peaceful and non thinking state that alcohol creates without consuming a single drop.

Real Benefits of Meditation

I know the image that comes to mind when you think of someone who meditates; some hippie dressed in weird clothing that sounds like a stoner and comes off as an arrogant prick. You don’t need to shave your head and wear a dress like a Buddhist to enjoy the many benefits that come from meditation:

1. Calmer emotions-we tend to make small situations into bigger ones when we are stressed out. Deep breathing allows your nervous system to slow down and greatly reduce the stress in your life.

2. Escape your mind and the insecurities and self conscious feelings that come from it

3. Allows you to stay calm and peaceful during stressful situations. Most men would get stressed out if a girl rejected them badly in front of a large group of people. They would get upset and feel like a loser, but a guy that meditates would smile and go about his business as if nothing happened.

One of the greatest benefits you will receive from meditation is the ability to let things go. When most people are in a position to lose something or someone their initial response is fear. Fear becomes worry that causes them to dig their claws in and hold on as tight as possible. Tightening your grip when things begin to slip away is neediness, the opposite of confidence.

Neediness is one of the biggest turn offs for women. Becoming needy and trying to keep what’s leaving you is ironic, in that it will cause you to lose what you desire even faster. With meditation the ability to let go of women or the possibility of women becomes a whole hell of a lot easier.

Meditation doesn’t end after thirty minutes of listening to a meditation cd alone in your room. You need to be able to meditate no matter what you are doing. At first it will be difficult to maintain the same level of peace you got while meditating alone but it will become easier over time. Breathe deeply while talking to friends. Relax and breathe deeply while you are waiting in the grocery line. Take it to the point where you can meditate in every action that you do.

Basic Meditation Exercise

Sit down in a chair with your back straight. Take a minute to let go of the events of the day. Relax your entire body and take a deep breath through your nose and into your stomach. Hold for five seconds. Let go of the breath through your nose while letting the air out of your stomach. Do this a couple of times.

Next breathe into your solar plexus, the area above your belly button but below your chest. Breathe in through your nose and hold it for five seconds. Breathe out of your nose, then repeat.

Next breathe into your chest through your nose. Hold for five seconds before letting the air out. Repeat for several times before putting it all together.

Now breathe in through your stomach, the solar plexus and finally your chest. Hold for five seconds. Then release it in order from your chest, solar plexus and finally your stomach. Repeat over and over again.

It can be difficult at first to attain a deep peaceful state but there is something you can do to cheat. Below is a link for a meditation program that I personally use that has greatly helped with not only women but with other areas of my life. You can check it out by clicking on their advertisement on the right of this website.

Fear

Fear is a mental construct but I put it under the soul section for a reason. When your world is consumed by fear you will feel as if your soul, essence or self is slipping away. You know who you are but who you are seems so distant from where you are. Fear is a cage that prevents you from being confident and living the life you want.

There are millions of books, audio cds, programs to help you cope with fear but they are all out for your wallet. You can try to hypnotize yourself to eliminate your fear but it won’t work. You could look in the mirror repeating affirmations over and over that your fear is gone but it won’t make any difference because THE ONLY WAY AROUND A FEAR IS THROUGH IT.

You are scared to approach that girl or to ask her for her number but the only way to get over it is to push through your fear. Tired of your girlfriend nagging you to death but too scared to say anything for fear of losing her? The only solution is to get courage to see through your fears and stand up for yourself.

Everything I talked about so far is important to building confidence but none more than overcoming your fears. You can eat right, workout, not berate yourself but none of that will matter if you are filled with fear. All of those things will be mealiness without doing this one thing.

I highly recomend picking up the book Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers

At first you will feel a lot of pressure and fear at the thought of conquering that which scares you. It might become too overwhelming and cause you to try and cop out of what you know needs to be done. You may even attempt to rationalize your fears, “oh, it’s not that bad. I don’t need to do that.”

If you buy into the excuse that you don’t need to overcome your fears that badly it’s more than ok. When you can’t seem to get yourself to do something it’s best to just let it go. In time your frustration with the limitation that fear puts on your life will start to build up and hit a boiling point. When that happens you won’t buy into your excuses and you will be highly motivated to do something about your life.

To help speed up the process of hitting that boiling point there is a simple exercise you can do: Imagine all the times that you let fear prevent you from doing something you wanted to do. Put each instance where you felt you let yourself down by choosing to be scared and play them back to back in your mind like a movie. Put the movie you made on repeat for a week straight until you get fed up with letting fear drive your life.

Every time that you overcome a fear you gain a certain level of confidence. After your heart rate calms down you will feel a little bit more free, a little bit more confident. Push through enough fears and your level of confidence will be beyond anything you could imagine.

The key to getting through a fear is to not hesitate. The more time spent waiting gives you a bigger opportunity to not do it. Every second that passes by the more anxiety you will feel. Your mind will start in with it’s annoying ‘what if?’ questions. “What if she rejects me? What if I make a fool of myself? What if…” Wait long enough and your anxiety will take over and cause you to shut down and lose out on yet another opportunity.

It’s important to not try and look cool while pushing through your fears. If the desire to not embarrass yourself is too strong you will end up not doing anything at all. Accept that you will not be perfect pushing through your fears. Come to terms with the fact that you will make a fool of yourself for a while.

How to Overcome Your Fears

The first step is always the hardest, being honest about what you are scared of. In this great society of ours we have been taught to hide our fears and act as if they don’t exist. You can try your best to run from what makes your heart race, palms sweat and gives you a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach but all your effort is done in vain.

Take some time and think about your fears, insecurities and doubts and write them down. Don’t judge yourself for having this fear or start to compare yourself to other people who DON’T have this type of fear. It’s not important what you have, what’s important is what you are going to do about it.

Prescribing the Symptom

The next step is to actually…*gulp* face your fears, insecurities and doubts.. If you are scared to approach women who are complete strangers then your plan will be to approach random women. For the most part what to do about your fears should be quite simple but some are more complex.

Prescribing the symptom is taking what you fear or worry about and doing it. I had a student who had a deep seeded fear of blushing around other people. This was a problem because he would get nervous around women and start to get red in the face. He would freak out about blushing and as a result blush even more.

It was a real problem that he couldn’t seem to get over. I told him to prescribe the symptom by consciously trying to make himself blush. It’s a little difficult thing to do on command so I instructed him to go out and buy women’s blush. “Really cake on the blush so there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that you are wearing makeup or blushing.”

At first he was hesitant but I assured him that this will help him get over his issues. He was very scared the first couple of times going out with women’s makeup but he eventually got over it. It got to the point where he would go out and forget that his face was red from the blush. He became comfortable with an awkward situation that helped him get over his issues with blushing and become more confident.

Another student felt uncomfortable buying condoms. He felt as if everyone was watching and judging him for it. I told him to go to the store and buy a big box of condoms and nothing else. Typically people would try to hide their condoms but he wasn’t going to do that. He was going to hold them up high around his chest so everyone knew what he was buying and what he was going to do with them.

Whatever you are insecure or fearful about devise a plan to get over your issues. If worry too much that people are judging you for the way you dress then go out in a hot pink belly shirt. If you are scared about saying the wrong things in conversations with people start to say inappropriate jokes or anything that will create enormous awkward silence. You get the idea.

Becoming confident is like anything else in life, it starts with a choice. You have two choices: make excuses and stay the way you are or choose to take control of your life. There is no halfway when it comes to making a choice like this. You are either in it fully or you aren’t.

If you need convincing that learning to become confident is the right choice take a look at those who took the other route. Notice their unhappiness, bitterness and frustration and ask yourself “is that what I really want?”

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