Question: What’s the best way to approach a girl for the first time that you know nothing about, or have not talked to before? And how long should a good conversation last?

Joe.

Answer: The ‘best’ way to approach a girl is both a difficult and simple question to answer. Why? Because it depends on you.

The ‘best’ way is dependent on what you want to achieve.

If you want to start a relationship (whether that be overnight or long term) with woman where you’re stuck in your head all the time, hiding what you’re really thinking and really feeling, just so that she’ll hang out with you…

…then just take some kind of bootcamp, learn some cheap tricks, spend months (if not years) trying to internalise them, and you might find a girl who is silly enough to fall for your tricks.

But, if you want start a relationship (once again, overnight or long term) where you’re just free to be yourself, then the ‘best’ way to approach a woman is start it like that.

If you see an attractive girl and want to talk to her, simply say that.

If you see an attractive girl and want to talk to her but don’t know what to say, say that.

If you see an attractive girl and want to talk to her but you’re nervous about what other people think, then say that.

I’ve got a thread on my forum on this exact thing.

Learn how to approach women naturally here

Now, a lot of guys worry about looking ‘weak’ by doing this: “I can’t just say what I think and how I feel. If she knows that I care about what other people think, she’ll think I’m not manly enough…”

If this is what you think, consider this:

Does it take more strength to pretend like you don’t care what other people think or to do what you want to do, despite the fact you care about what other people think?

Does it take more strength to hide who you are or express who you are?

Something to consider…

One thing I need to make clear. I’m not saying that this approach will get you every girl, every time.

This approach will help you just be free, happy, and open around women without being stuck in your head trying to impress her.

How much would your success with women improve if you able to be free, open, and happy around them?

Now to the second part of your question: how long should a good conversation last?

A good conversation should last as long as it needs to last to achieve it’s outcome.

Yes… I know… Ambiguous shit again… but think about this:

If you have an idea in your head that a conversation needs to last 10 minutes for it to be successful, then you’re going to try and hang in there for 10 minutes, regardless of what’s going on.

What if she’s in a hurry?

What if she’s with her family?

What if her boyfriend is coming back?

Conversely, what if you’re in a hurry?

What if you’re with your family?

What if your other girlfriend is coming back?

And more importantly, what if you could leave her wanting more by walking away before the tension had time to die off?

A good interaction lasts as long as it needs to last to achieve the desired outcome.

What’s the desired outcome?

You want to know what kind of woman she is, you want her to know what kind of Man you are, and if you’re compatible, you want to find a way to contact each other again.

That’s all you need.

How long does that take?

Well, in most cases, she’s already sized you up before you open your mouth.

I know it sounds rough but it’s usually true. High quality women have been hit on by enough guys to be able to tell whether or not you’re the kind of Man she is willing to give a shot before you squeeze out your “Hi, I’m…”

This is actually the best thing possible for you.

Why? Because you can’t convince her to like you. She’s already made up her mind before you speak so there’s really no point in trying to change her mind.

Stop focussing on changing her mind and just have fun. You can’t change her mind so give up on it. Spend your time learning how to have fun, how to laugh, how to enjoy you time with her, regardless of whether she comes wants to be with you.

That way, you’re going to win no matter what.

Now, everything I’ve given you here is the ‘what’ you need to do. It’s a quick tool you can use to start things off.

Now for the ‘how’ you to make this change…

There’s an underlying layer that governs everything in your interactions with women. It determines how easy, effortless and free or difficult, painful, and frustrating things are.

It determines everything that goes on and unless you change it, you’ll be searching for tricks to help you be more attractive to women for ever.

You can read about it in Seduction Community Sucks.

Download it for free from the right hand side now.

Leigh

I get it. I know it’s tough. I know what it feels like to see the girl you want and not be get past your approach anxiety.

On the flip side, I also know what it feels like to be able to beat approach anxiety and walk up to a beautiful woman without going through anything other than intense sense of curiosity.

Sound good? Well, here’s the 6 things that helped me beat approach anxiety forever.

1. Approach anxiety isn’t genetically programmed

Approach anxiety isn’t brought on by your d514 gene activating as a result of your ancestors fear of being kicked out of their tribe or any other evolutionary psychology phenomena.

If it was genetically programmed, you wouldn’t be able to get rid of it.

You can’t change the shape of your eyes (without surgery). You can’t grow another arm.

If approach anxiety was genetically programmed, there’s no way you’d ever be able to eradicate it. Thousands of people have so this is crap.

2. Approach anxiety isn’t caused by anything outside you.

Beautiful women don’t make you experience anxiety, you make you experience anxiety.

You don’t experience ‘nice car anxiety’, you don’t experience ‘beautiful painting anxiety’, you don’t expereince ‘watching a beautiful woman on a TV anxiety’. You experience anxiety want to talk to a beautiful woman. Beautiful women aren’t programmed with some kind of gamma ray that makes you anxious when you see them. God didn’t give her some kind of anxiety spell.

Approach anxiety is something that you create inside yourself when you think about taking on a task that has specific requirements (see next point).

3. The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life (especially approaching women) is determined by your perception of your skill and the challenge of the activity.

Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi caem up with the term ‘Flow’ to describe his scientific investigation of ‘being in state’ or ‘being in the zone’.

One of the major findings of his work that ran for over 30 years is that to get into state, the perceived level of challenge in an activity has to equal to the perceived level of skill, at a challenging but achievable level.

When you get this challenge / skill balance, you experience flow / state.

He also discovered was that an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. When skill exceeds challenge, you get bored. When challenge exceeds skill, you get anxiety.

4. To overcome your approach anxiety, you need to change your perception of skill and / or challenge.

If your perceived skill level matched your perceived challenge level for seducing a woman, you would be ‘in state’ every time you approached a woman. If you’re reading this, then it’s obviously not.

If you’re getting bored when you’re approaching women, it’s because your skill level is too high for the perceived challenge.

If you’re experiencing approach anxiety, it’s because your perceived challenge level is higher than your perceived skill.

If you want to beat approach anxiety forever, you need change either the perceived challenge level or your perceived skill level.

5. Trying to change your skill level to eradicate approach anxiety forever is a flawed method.

Most people think that the easiest part to change in this equation is their perceived skill level.

They go out and either try to prove to themselves that they already have the skill to talk to women by doing warm up sets or they try and increase their skill level by practising techniques and methods on set after set.

This is a flawed method to overcome your approach anxiety.

If you rely on other peoples responses to change your perception of your current skill level then it might work once, or twice, or even a few times, but what happens when it doesn’t (because it’s going to)?

What happens when someone doesn’t want to talk to you? Then you’re right back at square one again – massive approach anxiety because you perceive your skill to be less than the perceived challenge level.

6. To overcome approach anxiety forever, you need to change the perceived challenge.

The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. Whatever you’re trying to achieve determines what you have to do to achieve that goal.

If you’re experiencing anxiety then it’s clear you’re trying to do something that pushes the perceived challenge out of your perceived skill range – like trying to make her attracted to you.

What challenges do you face in trying to make a woman attracted to you?

You have to get within physical proximity of you.

You have to get her attention.

You have to be able to communicate with her.

You have to work out what kind of man she wants.

You have to attempt to demonstrate those characteristics whilst simultaneously hiding who you really are.

This is why you’re experiencing approach anxiety.

You don’t know how to work out what kind of man she’s attracted to and you don’t think you can demonstrate them whilst hiding who you really are, long enough for her to want to be with you.

If you change your purpose to something achievable, then the perception of challenge will drop and so will the anxiety.

If you change your purpose to ‘Trying to find out if she’s the kind of person you want in your life’ then what kind of challenges do you face?

You have to get within physical proximity of her.

You have to be able to communicate with her.

Anything else? No. Nothing.

If you change your purpose to this, then what you’re more likely to experience is boredom due to the lack of challenge and you’re only going to be really interested in women who’re able to really challenge your verbally.

Sound like the kind of life you want?

To start this journey, download your free copy of Seduction Community Sucks from the right hand side of this page.

Inside you’ll find how your purpose relates to every area of your interactions with women and how you can change it so every barrier disappears at once.

Leigh

Listening to the mind can be very detrimental to your confidence. Learning to escape the mind and re-connecting with your soul can help you develop real confidence that can not be shaken or broken for anything.

The greatest tool that you have at your disposal for cutting through the fog that the mind creates is meditation. Meditation allows you to enter into the calm, peaceful and non thinking state that alcohol creates without consuming a single drop.

Real Benefits of Meditation

I know the image that comes to mind when you think of someone who meditates; some hippie dressed in weird clothing that sounds like a stoner and comes off as an arrogant prick. You don’t need to shave your head and wear a dress like a Buddhist to enjoy the many benefits that come from meditation:

1. Calmer emotions-we tend to make small situations into bigger ones when we are stressed out. Deep breathing allows your nervous system to slow down and greatly reduce the stress in your life.

2. Escape your mind and the insecurities and self conscious feelings that come from it

3. Allows you to stay calm and peaceful during stressful situations. Most men would get stressed out if a girl rejected them badly in front of a large group of people. They would get upset and feel like a loser, but a guy that meditates would smile and go about his business as if nothing happened.

One of the greatest benefits you will receive from meditation is the ability to let things go. When most people are in a position to lose something or someone their initial response is fear. Fear becomes worry that causes them to dig their claws in and hold on as tight as possible. Tightening your grip when things begin to slip away is neediness, the opposite of confidence.

Neediness is one of the biggest turn offs for women. Becoming needy and trying to keep what’s leaving you is ironic, in that it will cause you to lose what you desire even faster. With meditation the ability to let go of women or the possibility of women becomes a whole hell of a lot easier.

Meditation doesn’t end after thirty minutes of listening to a meditation cd alone in your room. You need to be able to meditate no matter what you are doing. At first it will be difficult to maintain the same level of peace you got while meditating alone but it will become easier over time. Breathe deeply while talking to friends. Relax and breathe deeply while you are waiting in the grocery line. Take it to the point where you can meditate in every action that you do.

Basic Meditation Exercise

Sit down in a chair with your back straight. Take a minute to let go of the events of the day. Relax your entire body and take a deep breath through your nose and into your stomach. Hold for five seconds. Let go of the breath through your nose while letting the air out of your stomach. Do this a couple of times.

Next breathe into your solar plexus, the area above your belly button but below your chest. Breathe in through your nose and hold it for five seconds. Breathe out of your nose, then repeat.

Next breathe into your chest through your nose. Hold for five seconds before letting the air out. Repeat for several times before putting it all together.

Now breathe in through your stomach, the solar plexus and finally your chest. Hold for five seconds. Then release it in order from your chest, solar plexus and finally your stomach. Repeat over and over again.

It can be difficult at first to attain a deep peaceful state but there is something you can do to cheat. Below is a link for a meditation program that I personally use that has greatly helped with not only women but with other areas of my life. You can check it out by clicking on their advertisement on the right of this website.

Fear

Fear is a mental construct but I put it under the soul section for a reason. When your world is consumed by fear you will feel as if your soul, essence or self is slipping away. You know who you are but who you are seems so distant from where you are. Fear is a cage that prevents you from being confident and living the life you want.

There are millions of books, audio cds, programs to help you cope with fear but they are all out for your wallet. You can try to hypnotize yourself to eliminate your fear but it won’t work. You could look in the mirror repeating affirmations over and over that your fear is gone but it won’t make any difference because THE ONLY WAY AROUND A FEAR IS THROUGH IT.

You are scared to approach that girl or to ask her for her number but the only way to get over it is to push through your fear. Tired of your girlfriend nagging you to death but too scared to say anything for fear of losing her? The only solution is to get courage to see through your fears and stand up for yourself.

Everything I talked about so far is important to building confidence but none more than overcoming your fears. You can eat right, workout, not berate yourself but none of that will matter if you are filled with fear. All of those things will be mealiness without doing this one thing.

I highly recommend picking up the book Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers

At first you will feel a lot of pressure and fear at the thought of conquering that which scares you. It might become too overwhelming and cause you to try and cop out of what you know needs to be done. You may even attempt to rationalize your fears, oh, it’s not that bad. I don’t need to do that.

If you buy into the excuse that you don’t need to overcome your fears that badly it’s more than ok. When you can’t seem to get yourself to do something it’s best to just let it go. In time your frustration with the limitation that fear puts on your life will start to build up and hit a boiling point. When that happens you won’t buy into your excuses and you will be highly motivated to do something about your life.

To help speed up the process of hitting that boiling point there is a simple exercise you can do: Imagine all the times that you let fear prevent you from doing something you wanted to do. Put each instance where you felt you let yourself down by choosing to be scared and play them back to back in your mind like a movie. Put the movie you made on repeat for a week straight until you get fed up with letting fear drive your life.

Every time that you overcome a fear you gain a certain level of confidence. After your heart rate calms down you will feel a little bit more free, a little bit more confident. Push through enough fears and your level of confidence will be beyond anything you could imagine.

The key to getting through a fear is to not hesitate. The more time spent waiting gives you a bigger opportunity to not do it. Every second that passes by the more anxiety you will feel. Your mind will start in with it’s annoying ‘what if?’ questions. What if she rejects me? What if I make a fool of myself? What if… Wait long enough and your anxiety will take over and cause you to shut down and lose out on yet another opportunity.

It’s important to not try and look cool while pushing through your fears. If the desire to not embarrass yourself is too strong you will end up not doing anything at all. Accept that you will not be perfect pushing through your fears. Come to terms with the fact that you will make a fool of yourself for a while.

How to Overcome Your Fears

The first step is always the hardest, being honest about what you are scared of. In this great society of ours we have been taught to hide our fears and act as if they don’t exist. You can try your best to run from what makes your heart race, palms sweat and gives you a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach but all your effort is done in vain.

Take some time and think about your fears, insecurities and doubts and write them down. Don’t judge yourself for having this fear or start to compare yourself to other people who DON’T have this type of fear. It’s not important what you have, what’s important is what you are going to do about it.

Prescribing the Symptom

The next step is to actually…*gulp* face your fears, insecurities and doubts.. If you are scared to approach women who are complete strangers then your plan will be to approach random women. For the most part what to do about your fears should be quite simple but some are more complex.

Prescribing the symptom is taking what you fear or worry about and doing it. I had a student who had a deep seeded fear of blushing around other people. This was a problem because he would get nervous around women and start to get red in the face. He would freak out about blushing and as a result blush even more.

It was a real problem that he couldn’t seem to get over. I told him to prescribe the symptom by consciously trying to make himself blush. It’s a little difficult thing to do on command so I instructed him to go out and buy women’s blush. Really cake on the blush so there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that you are wearing makeup or blushing.

At first he was hesitant but I assured him that this will help him get over his issues. He was very scared the first couple of times going out with women’s makeup but he eventually got over it. It got to the point where he would go out and forget that his face was red from the blush. He became comfortable with an awkward situation that helped him get over his issues with blushing and become more confident.

Another student felt uncomfortable buying condoms. He felt as if everyone was watching and judging him for it. I told him to go to the store and buy a big box of condoms and nothing else. Typically people would try to hide their condoms but he wasn’t going to do that. He was going to hold them up high around his chest so everyone knew what he was buying and what he was going to do with them.

Whatever you are insecure or fearful about devise a plan to get over your issues. If worry too much that people are judging you for the way you dress then go out in a hot pink belly shirt. If you are scared about saying the wrong things in conversations with people start to say inappropriate jokes or anything that will create enormous awkward silence. You get the idea.

Becoming confident is like anything else in life, it starts with a choice. You have two choices: make excuses and stay the way you are or choose to take control of your life. There is no halfway when it comes to making a choice like this. You are either in it fully or you aren’t.

If you need convincing that learning to become confident is the right choice take a look at those who took the other route. Notice their unhappiness, bitterness and frustration and ask yourself is that what I really want?

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You will hear me say this over and over but it’s worth repeating, YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. Identifying with your mind and listening to your thoughts will cause a large amount of anxiety, depression and an overall lack of confidence.

Most people believe that they are their thoughts but this is far from the truth. Spend an hour, day, even a week just observing your thoughts. After a week you will notice two things:

1. The mind is mostly fear based and thus not very useful
2. The voice continues without your conscious effort-it runs on it’s own.

When you actually listen to your thoughts and identify with them many neurotic and unhealthy beliefs will start to form. Your mind tells you that you have been wronged by someone and anger ensues. Your thoughts wish harm upon that person and now you feel guilty for thinking that.

Guilt, anger, shame, doubt and INSECURITY are all products of the mind and prevent you from being more confident. How many times have you been around women only to have your mind blow it for you? I’m guessing plenty because it has happened to me more times than I care to remember.

If your interaction is going well with women then your mind will get overly paranoid about screwing it up. You’re doing good, now don’t mess this up. Oh God, she didn’t laugh at my joke now she’s no longer attracted to me, Damn it. Or if the interaction isn’t going well you will have the same type of thoughts. No matter what you do you just can’t win when you listen to your mind.

For the most part emotions stem from your mind, how it reacts and it’s beliefs. How calm or how nervous you are at any given time depends on how much you listen to the thoughts your mind produces. The more you listen to your mind the more nervous you will become because your mind is extremely negative and overly paranoid. If you learn to get out of your mind your emotions will become a gentle pool instead of a typhoon crashing down on a small village.

People love to drink because it allows them to escape and enter a state of non thinking. In this state their minds are no longer producing fears that cause them to ruin most of their interactions with women. With their mind on the sidelines people are no longer inhibited and can do what they truly want to do.

Learning to enter a state of non thinking while being sober is the best gift that you can give to yourself. More on how to escape your insecure thoughts and develop more confidence will e explained in part three of this series on How to Be More Confident.

In addition that article I recommend picking up Eckhart Tolle’s book ‘The Power of Now.’ This book has been a great help to my success with women. It has been at the core of my own personal self development.

Echkart Tolle: The Power of Now

The biggest obstacle to confidence that the mind creates is self loathing. While it’s important to ignore that little voice that causes so much damage you need to also be consciously creating good beliefs about yourself.

I don’t suggest creating outrageous beliefs that are not even close to being based on reality. An example of this is the affirmation All women want me and are attracted to me-that will never be true no matter how hard you try.

Good Beliefs to Instill

The problem with affirmations is that the mind will constantly try and convince you of the opposite. You will say something positive and the mind will argue the negative. Try your hardest but the mind will not relent on it’s position:

Me: I’m awesome
Mind: No you’re not
Me: Women love me
Mind: Really? You’re wrong about that buddy, women hate you. What about that girl last week who looked at you in disgust when you asked her how she was doing? Forgot about that didn’t you, loser

Trying to convince yourself of affirmations that aren’t based on reality can be very time consuming and ultimately futile. A better approach to gaining confidence through developing beliefs is to go with affirmations that are based in truth. Here are two affirmations that are based in truth and will get you very far:

I am enough

I love and accept myself the way I am

I am enough means that you are complete just the way you are. Women, money, fame won’t make you feel more complete and content because you possess those things already inside of yourself. You can lose everything, family, friends, jobs and you will still survive because you are enough already.

I am enough is the opposite of neediness. You won’t need anything else because you are enough and complete already-everything else is just an added bonus. Whenever you are needy you are losing sight of the fact that you are enough.

You were born feeling like you were enough but have learned how to be insecure, self conscious and feeling like you aren’t enough over time. Take any baby or toddler and you will see how well they hold the affirmation I am enough. They don’t try and get people to like them. They don’t try to be accepted by others because they accept themselves the way they are. They are only concerned with getting their diapers changed and finding a breast to suck on.

Start to pay attention to the times that you are insecure, needy and self conscious. Whenever those moments occur take a deep breath and repeat the affirmation I am enough over and over. Notice how those feelings subside if not disappear altogether.

I love and accept myself the way I am means to accept yourself, warts and all. In order to accept yourself the way you are you must first be honest. If you refuse to acknowledge the darker and not so nice parts of yourself then you will never learn to love yourself unconditionally.

In order to learn how to love yourself check out my post on the subject here: How to Love Yourself

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The lights are dimmed, shades are down and your favorite scented candles are burning. The mood is just right to say hello to your monster but is masturbating to porn a good thing or not? To answer that question, yes and no. There is no such thing as good or bad but only consequences of your actions. Every consequence is either desirable or undesirable.

Whether the consequences of masturbating are desirable or not depends greatly on your perspective and who you are. It’s not the action in itself that makes something bad but the person who is doing it.

If the action (masturbating) in and of itself was inherently negative or positive everyone would have the same response to it. If getting off to porn was bad for you then EVERYONE would experience negative consequences when they did it but we know that is not always the case. Some have good consequences while others have horrible negative consequences.

Most people enjoy labeling something as bad without ever thinking that they may play a role in their negative experience. Even worse is that they like to tell others that it’s a bad idea-oh no, you shouldn’t do that!

Negative Consequences of Watching Porn

The first negative consequence of watching porn can be a very detrimental one: pre-mature ejaculation. Nothing is worse than waiting so long to have sex and when you finally get an opportunity to get laid it’s over in a few seconds. You dread looking at the girl to confirm her disappointment in your performance.

Growing up in a house with other people means that you need to break out some sneaky ninja skills when masturbating. You need to be quick, agile and most importantly not get caught. The fear of getting caught causes you to become speedster when it comes to giving yourself the low five. Get it done quickly before anyone discovers what you are doing or feel the shame of getting caught.

Unfortunately this will cause you to cum quickly when you trade in the computer screen for the real thing. Our bodies are good at learning and remembering things. Through muscle memory we learn skills and abilities that surpass conscious thinking. Without body memory no one would be able to play an instrument or drive a car because we would be thinking too much about every little action.

Cumming too quickly is the result of training your body to remember to do so. Over many quick sessions your body develops a stimulus response to seeing a naked woman. Your body knows that when you get sexually excited it’s time to have an orgasm.

Your body will respond the way you train it to. If, for example, you masturbate very quickly your body will respond by cumming quickly as well. On the other hand if you take your time your body will be trained to wait a long period of time before reaching climax.

The mind doesn’t have the ability to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. If you dream it your mind believes it. Whenever you fantasize about sleeping with the girl whose thong was hanging out the entire class you mind believes that to be real. Since you came very quickly in the fantasy your mind will send messages to the body to cum quickly when you run into the same situation in real life.

On top of that your mind likes to generalize and lump everything into one nice, neat category. It doesn’t see unique and special tits, it lumps them all into one category. When you train your mind and body to cum quickly to one naked woman it will transfer that programing over to any other women you see.

Guilt, Shame and Madonna/Whore Complex

Almost everyone has been brought up on the idea that sex and masturbating is something to be ashamed of. Through society, parents and religion we have been taught to hide our sexual nature instead of embracing it. The biggest tactic of getting people to hide their sexuality is through guilt and shame. The more guilt you have the less likely you will to engage in fun sexual acts.

This guilt and shame is triggered (mostly unconsciously) every time you masturbate. You enjoy it in the moment but shortly after the negative emotions start to come to the surface. You feel guilty or shameful every time you sin which leads to lower self confidence.

Porn also leads to deepen your Madonna/Whore complex. The programing that you received from church, society and parents helps you to see women in two different ways: the Madonna and the whore. The Madonna is the good girl that you marry and the whore is someone you use for sex.

Porn will give you an unrealistic view of sex and love. As much as you logically know that porn isn’t really how sex is your mind will start to see it that way. You will see women as a masturbation tool and sex as a jack hammer exhibition.

Masturbating will trigger your guilt and shame which will bring up your Madonna/ whore complex issues. Any woman that is sexual and enjoys sex will be seen as a whore through eyes because of your addiction to porn. If you do sleep with a woman you will judge her and yourself for it-no matter what you do you just can’t win.

Distract Yourself

People have many different ways of distracting themselves when they are stressed out or slightly depressed. When I get into that state I like to do absolutely nothing and just relax. Some like to exercise or drink and some like to get off to Internet porn.

There is nothing wrong with taking a break from life from time to time. It will help you to refocus your mind and build your energy back up to handle the difficult task at hand. Taking a break becomes a problem when you use it to completely ignore and distract yourself from what needs to be done.

Unfortunately another con of masturbating is that it is used to distract yourself from life’s problem. There is a thin line from taking a break and turning your back to your issues. Far too often people cross that line and become addicted to their distraction of choice.

Whacking it to porn is a very large distraction for men who are lacking in skills with women. Instead of taking on this challenge head first they resign to a life of distraction in their fantasy world-out of mind and into porn.

The problem is that NO matter how hard you try you can never run from your issues. Once you are aware of them there is no going back to blissful ignorance. You can go full force into hiding from them in your porn addiction but they will find you.

A Quick Note before we get to the Positives

I never really bought into the idea that releasing male fluids will drain your life energy. I think it’s complete bullshit that having sex or masturbating, life’s greatest pleasures, will leave you feeling drained.

To me, it seems like the notion that cumming will take away a man’s energy stems from the Church’s belief that masturbating and having sex is a sin. It’s essentially the same type of ‘this is bad for you’ programming that the Church is perpetuating.

On a genetic level our goal as individuals is to perpetuate the species through sex. We want to live long enough to pass on our seed to as many people as possible. With that said, it seems wrong to believe that our basic design is flawed and our instincts got it wrong.

We are born to fuck and enjoy sex. We feel drained at times after sex not because we are losing our ‘male energies’ but because we aren’t in great shape. If you worked out and ate right you wouldn’t feel any energy lose.

It turns out that sex is life affirming. Not having sex will cause you to become very anxious and unbalanced. That guy needs to get laid is said for a reason. His neurotic behavior can be balanced out by enjoying the basic of needs.

If you have bought into this new age spiritual bullshit that cumming is a bad thing get that out of your head right now. Some of you who can attest to this belief are experiencing a placebo effect. The body reacts to your minds beliefs. If you believe you will feel drained after you cum your body will act in accordance.

Positive Consequences of Watching Porn

That was a long list of negatives but there is some good that can come from watching porn. For starters, it feels damn good. It allows you to release some of the pent up tension and anxiety that rage through your body.

Standards are extremely important when it comes to mastering women. If you give it away for free no one will want it because has little value. Developing standards can be quite difficult if you have been a ‘I’ll take what I can get’ type of guy. Porn can be an easy first step to integrating a higher set of standards.

Most men will jerk off to just about anything. Swim suit models, porn stars, naked women in national geographic magazines, it’s all the same to them. If the guy is remotely attracted to the erotic image he will get off.

Start by identifying what type of women really turn you on and stick to it. What do you like? Is it blonds, short girls, tall ones, punk, goth, black, white? Me personally, I like the type of women that you see on suicide girls. The typical blond bimbo you see gracing the cover of playboy does very little for me.

From there you can start to develop an appreciation for beauty vs. ‘oh my god, she’s so fucking hot.’ When you find a girl that really does it for you take time to appreciate her beauty. Don’t focus solely on her tits and ass. Enjoy her entire body and learn to appreciate how beautiful women really are.

Greater Awareness

I mentioned before that masturbating can bring up a lot of unresolved issues to the surface. Consciously masturbating and being aware when they do come up will allow you to transcend them. Without being able to spot your problems you won’t be able to change.

Once you can see and feel your issues the next step is to let them go. Here’s a little exercise that can help you out:

**note: this exercise may sound a little airy fairy but give it a try and you’ll see why I recommend it***

Lay down on your bed or in a chair with your spine straight and place your hands on the middle of your chest. Breathe deeply and close your eyes. Imagine yourself sitting in a peaceful and serene environment. You are sitting down in front of a river in a wooded area.

Breathe deeply as you think of what is holding you back. If your issue is ‘sex is a sin’ reach up into your solar plexus (above your stomach, below your rib cage) with white hands and take hold of those words.

Take the words ‘sex is a sin’ and bring it all the way up your spine and out the top of your head. Imagine placing the issue into the bright, white running river. Watch as that issue floats along the white river and disappears.

Repeat this exercise over and over until you have removed your issue. This exercise can be preformed on any belief, thought or emotion that is less than healthy.

Increased Sexual Energy

Do the following exercise lying down flat or in a chair with your spine straight as it can be.

Start by breathing very very deeply and very slowly through your nose and into the lower part of your belly. Breathe deep enough to the point where you feel it in your PC muscle (area between your genitals and your ass). Then slowly breathe out of your nose releasing the air.

Once you have that down, imagine white light coming into your nose from the outside, down your front and into your genitals and a little bit into your legs. Once your belly is full with air slowly breathe out imagining the white light coming up your spin, all the way to the top of your head and out. Then bring the white light down into your belly and up again.

This exercise should be done throughout the day but especially during sex. It will help increase your sexual energy as well as your orgasms.

Last Longer In the Sack

Fast pace masturbating can cause premature ejaculation. Watching porn while you take your time and breathe deeply will allow you to last longer. You will see exciting images and not blow your load.

For exercises to help you last longer sign up for the Inner Game Reframe Newsletter on the right and you will receive a free copy of my ebook-How to Lead Her Sexually. The ebook is full of exercises and insights to help you become a better lover.