The age old question of who should pay on a date or in a relationship, the man or the woman? Most people would agree that the man should pay but this becomes a problem when the man pays too much. He opens up his wallet hoping that at the end of the night the woman will open up her pants. Often he is shut down and better off buying a hooker instead.
Paying on Dates
It’s silly to think that the amount of money you throw down on a date will determine whether or not you are getting lucky tonight but is it really?
Most men are complete schmucks when it comes to women. This forces women to settle on many levels for men who just don’t get it. If almost all the men women meet don’t make them feel any sort of attraction why not go for the best looking or the ones with the most money?
This is exactly what I (and I’m sure you would too) would do if all the women I met were extremely boring or needy. If all of them used the same pickup line or complimented me way too much I would go for the best looking ones.
The problem men will face when coughing up the loot on dates is that there will always be someone with more money than you and thus a bigger better deal. There will always be other men with larger wallets and you just can’t compete.
I recently got an email from a reader telling me about this date he went on with a girl. He spent over 350$ for the night and didn’t even get a good night kiss. He sent her a box of chocolates a couple days later and didn’t even get a simple thank you. Rough.
A lot of men try to impress women by taking them out to a fancy restaurant and spending a lot of money. Often they spend beyond their means in an attempt to get some action from the girl. It’s a big mistake that men never seem to catch onto.
They spend all of this money and don’t even get a good night kiss. The money would be better spent buying a hooker instead. At least with the hooker you are guaranteed to get laid.
There is nothing wrong with paying but it’s downright stupid to think paying will actually get you laid. You aren’t impressing anyone. This will send a clear message to the woman that you are very needy because you look for her approval by trying to impress her.
If you want to pay for dinner, fine but do it because you want to and not because you think you will get something in return. Don’t give to get because more often than not you will end up with nothing in return.
If it’s part of your normal life to go out to restaurants and eat fancy food then it’s ok to include her in your mission. But if it’s not part of your normal life than your plans will fall apart very quickly.
Spoiled women to avoid
Believe it or not there are women out there that will take full advantage of your “generosity.” They know that there will be no future relationship between you two so they use you to get a free meal. They agree to your date in order to get a couple of free drinks and dinner at a fancy restaurant. Often they will call it an early night and then go out with a guy they are really attracted to.
Women aren’t entirely to blame for this because it wasn’t like she pulled a gun out and forced you to take her to a nice restaurant. You are a player in this game as well.
There are many signs of a spoiled woman that you should be aware of. First thing you need to do is to stop thinking about getting laid and start having standards. If you are desperate for female company and will take anything you can get women will pick up on this. Spoiled women will be able to spot you from a mile away because you are an ideal target.
While there are many signs of a spoiled woman the biggest sign is that she is a taker and not a giver. If you meet her out at a club or bar and one of the first few things she says to you is “can you buy me a drink?” she’s a taker.
Takers are just that, they take and they take. Women (and men) who take from you will offer very little value in return for what you give.
Avoid these ‘buy me a drink’ woman as if they were the plague. No good can come out of dating women like this and you will be sorry in the end. You will end up paying for it in more ways than one.
Some women will actually make a game out of getting free drinks. They will leave the house with no money in order to see if they can drink for free for the night. This is only made possible by men like you.
Some times you don’t meet them in a club or bar and will be unable to tell if she’s a taker or not right away. In this case there are two things that you can do:
1. When the check comes just stare at her. If she makes no attempt what so ever to offer to pay then she’s a taker.
2. Take her to some place that involves little to no money. If you are a ‘cheap date’ and she becomes annoyed or disappointed by this then she’s a taker.
Taker in relationships
I was out eating the other day when I overheard two girls talking. One wanted to get something really expensive and she said “oh well, I’ll just have my boyfriend buy it. He should buy it anyways” and just laughed. No he shouldn’t because men are not ATM’s.
It’s nice to give to others but it becomes an issue when they expect you to give and start making demands. Would your girlfriend be upset if you suddenly stopped spoiling her? How would she react if you told her no when she asked for something? If she gets extremely upset and throws a temper tantrum then she is a spoiled woman who is a taker.
The Keepers
It’s not about being cheap in life, it’s about finding women who don’t let money determine another persons value. The problem with dating spoiled women is that money can easily come and go. What happens if you lose your job and suddenly you find yourself dead broke? Will she still stick around?
The women to look for are the ones who will offer to pay even if you decide to pay for the meal. The ones to date are the ones who will still like you regardless of how much you spend on them. The ones to keep in your life are the ones who don’t need it but truly appreciate it when you do “spoil” them.
These types of women are givers who will contribute a lot to your life. These women will give and give and make you desire to give back to them. Not because you are obligated but because you generally want to give.
To recap, go for women who enjoy your company and not your wallet. Raise your standards to avoid these spoiled women. And if you still believe that paying for a meal will get you laid you are better off buying a hooker instead.
Sign up for a phone consultation to get further help developing your inner game and never waste another dime on pointless dates.
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Good points. Another thing worth mentioning is that if you want to treat a girl and pay for the meal (for the right reasons, NOT just to get laid) there’s nothing wrong with that, especially on the first date. Lots of passive guys are scared of paying for a meal because they’re afraid the woman might be insulted somehow. I’ve always offered to pay for my half of a meal and most guys seemed to “submit” as if they could’ve and would’ve paid for the whole thing, but were too scared to say “Let me treat this time. I’ll take care of it.” (And the one guy who *did* say that is now my boyfriend!)
Nice. As always
. I totally agree with you that neediness makes men give their power away and act like shmucks. And why should a women want someone who is already sold on her, when you haven’t really interacted with her yet. But since I transcended neediness, I have a slightly differnt view on it. Neediness is the very thing that causes you to want to HAVE these higher standards. When you install a belief like that, it helps acting differently and hence creating more attraction and self-respect. But the ENERGY is still there. That means you still just want to fuck her, but acting differently you may get the chance to get laid or to ditch half the price at a restaurant. That means you ARE not that higher standard yet. So in this way paying for a hooker or getting a girlfriend is not that different at all.
To me it feels now as if guys are just chasing a dream. And on a deeper level it’s exactly that.
@yintherapy: Good point. Fear is one of the biggest obstacles getting in men’s way. The passive side comes from not wanting to “fuck it up” with the girl. Irony is that not taking a chance and remembering that you have a pair will cause you to lose the girl.
@Frank: Schmucks is a highly underrated word. It’s simply not getting the attention that it deserves.
Kill the neediness completely and for the right reasons. Not to get more chicks but for more self respect-more women will be an added bonus to dropping the neediness on a deep level.
Thanks for comments and the love
Well said. Lol I remember a few months ago a girl (from my social group, I didn’t know her well though) came up to me and asked: hey do you buy me a drink? I was smiling at her with my “are you nuts?” smile…
@ Johannes: Good man, that’s how everyone should respond. Thanks for the comment
Any guy that wants the kind of woman who is impressed by money more than anything else *is* a schmuck, because he’s going after a shallow woman. What kind of loser goes after that kind of person? It takes one to know one. Classiness has nothing to do with money or class, but self-respect.
Agreed. Shallow women might be nice to look at but will wear you down. If you want to look at something pretty get a poster of a hot chick instead of wasting your time on girls like that.
That reminds me a story. My ex boyfriend was destroyed by a selfish woman like that. He would buy her things, eventually sold his house and you know how it goes… he lost a lot. He is not the only one that goes that far, specially when in a long term relationship with a spoiled woman.
Wen I met him, on the first date he got me agift. I thanked him and said that is not necesery. I could see already why his ex had manipulated him so much, he trully asks for it.
He kept buying me gifts, so I would leave them in his house as I was feeling strange about it. I would offer to pay some of our meals etc, is the way I am, I like to share
Anyways, one day I decided to explain him that if I was a spoiled woman I would easily manipulate him, and that he is a total victim. I told him that he has to stop trying to make it all more exciting and interesting by buying them gifts and promicing stuff to them. I guess the more he would realize that he couldnt keep me the more he tried to impress me, heh with the wrong way.
Wen eventually I left him (for my own reasons) and I explained him that if he continues this way he will never be happy cos women will use him and he will always attrack the wrong kind of women.
So yes I agree absolutelly, men need to stop been such idiots. If she is a poor girl then I understand it, she may cant affort to pay for stuff, but either way, trying to hold a woman with gifts is so low, if u ask me. I guess some are desperate for either sex or a partner and some are too nice and blind.
I can defenitelly say a few more stories about men been manipulated by women, but no need, I think some of them trully dont wanna learn cos they ll repear the same mistake again and again, even if you tell them… like my other friend…James… oh dear. He just dont listen.